Since losing Dad, Mum and I have grown even closer. We have always been close, always had a special connection but since Dad died, that has become more than a mum – daughter link, more of a best friend feel.
I am having a few days away with her…we are going to the place where Mum and Dad last holidayed together. Mum can’t wait to show me where Dad was so happy. I cannot wait for 2 reasons

Just spending quality time together. I live away and when I go home, we end up in the car , in the garden, at …read more

I posted about relaxing to ease the fear…..it made me think about love and what love isn’t

Love isn’t something we should fear
Love isn’t something everyone enjoys…so be grateful for the feeling
Love isn’t something that disappears on death
Love isn’t remembering the good and forgetting the bad, love is remembering the whole
Love isn’t about regrets  
Love isn’t about forgetting, love is about forgiving the grief

I wonder what you think ?  Do you have any thoughts on what love isn’t?
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Guilt is destructive to our minds. Guilt is something that can erode our self confidence and our ability to live a normal happy life. I understand how guilt occurs with widows and widowers through regret, mistakes…however we need to understand what is causing the guilt and then work on the underlying reasons.
G =Give yourself an emotional break! You are human, you make mistakes…unfortunately our imperfection causes us pain however in our imperfection lies our “humanness”
U = Understand that if the guilt is over someone who has died, there is little practical things we can do. Concentrate not on what went …read more

…it means that on the downside I will be one year older next month,but on the upside it means that I have 52 weeks to live fully and create a difference in this world.
2= 2 continue to find ways of creating value in other people’s lives. I want to ask each person that I meet one question “What can I do for you that will bring value to your world?” Then deliver it…
0= 0 regrets. Death shows you that regrets are stupid, you can do nothing about them. If you make a mistake, apologise and move on…if you want to …read more

I was speaking to my aunt last night and she was so excited because her son had just received a doctorate. Her voice was sad and happy, because her husband died about 7 years ago and she was upset that he was not here to feel the pride that she was feeling. I asked her “How she coping with the mixed emotions?”
She said she was going to his grave today and was going to talk to him, fill him in on what his son had achieved. She said that although he wasn’t still alive, it didn’t mean she couldn’t talk …read more

The post yesterday about the letter I received from Joan really has brought some great comments, have a read if you are feeling down today. The essence of the responses are that no matter how deep you depressions, no matter how much grief has taken hold, there is hope. If an 87 year old can turn their life around and set new targets after turning to drink to try and die to go to her loved one, then surely we can. Here are 4 reasons that Joan gives me HOPE.
H= Have a list of 3 things that you want to …read more

I received this e-mail and it really did brighten my day, I hope it brightens yours and gives you hope.
“I am 87 years old and have been a widow for 8 months. I had been married for 66 years and know the true feeling of love. When he died I started to drink, at first to get to sleep and then more in the hope that I didn’t wake up. I just wanted to go to him, I couldn’t bare to be apart. Other than the war we had never spent a night apart and I could not face life …read more

I was trying to think of my favourite Christmas to share with you. Well, it was while we were both young and at the start of seeing each other. Both of us wanted to spend Christmas Day with each other but family commitments meant that we couldn’t….Then I got a call in the morning and he said “I can sneak away for a couple of hours…can you? ”
We met at a motorway petrol station! We bought a sandwich and a couple of bottles of coca cola…and sat in the car with a blanket wrapped around us. He put on a tape of …read more

Trish,
 Sorry I am late in moderating the comments, hope you will forgive me as I went to pick my mum up for Xmas yesterday. I have just read your comment out to her and her eyes filled up with pain. She knows only too well, how sitting next to the man you love and waiting for his last breath is torment and yet at the same time a relief. Both mum and I are with you, and will be thinking about you….there are few words to say at this time other than whether here in body or not, the love …read more

I received an email from someone that I thought I would share with you all – again I have changed the names for anonymity.
 ”Anna
I have been reading your blog for many weeks, and have gained so much comfort from your writing. One area that you haven’t touched on is death being a release. My husband had been ill for over 2 years and in the last 6 months could not  talk or interact. I have to say my reaction when he passed away was relief, not because I didn’t love him with all my heart, but because he had died …read more