Today has been a tough day. Not because of grief but because of me taking on too much work, achieving nothing and feeling bad about it. When I say work – I don’t mean paid work, I mean tasks really. As I sit here tonight, I suddenly realised my problem is that I don’t really believe in myself. I don’t believe I can get all these things done, I don’t believe that I am as capable as I once was….is that because grief has knocked my self confidence? Is it because I am tired? Is it because…..
Hang on a minute …read more

Self confidence has always been an issue for me, I know that I miss someone by the side of me saying “Come on girl, you can do it!”. I have always felt a little inadequate, not really worthy of the things around me – not even at times of the love we shared. However in grief you have to find a way of connecting with that inner strength, of connecting with the positive YOU!
When someone dies your partner in life has gone, the dividing of chores disappears – suddenly you have to face it all, on your own.
However, I have …read more

Grief affects in so many ways, it shakes your self confidence to the core. I find that I get scared about the future, of loneliness, of never feeling happy again. I find that social situations scare me, I don’t want to be around people that I don’t know.
I wonder why someone who used to be so strong and indeed so sociable can feel this way? Me, as a person has not changed or have I? My personality is bound to be different by losing someone I love. He helped give me strength, helped give me confidence. But you know, it …read more

Failure is an emotive word and one thing that has been difficult to overcome – that feeling that I have failed in some way. Grief left me thinking that no matter what I did then I would fail, that it would be better to shy away from life then to go out and fail again.
It is strange as I don’t see losing your loved one as failure, however I think it shakes your self confidence. I think you start to doubt everything around you….when you step back that is the wrong thing to do.

Success is having loved and been loved
Success …read more

Guilt is destructive to our minds. Guilt is something that can erode our self confidence and our ability to live a normal happy life. I understand how guilt occurs with widows and widowers through regret, mistakes…however we need to understand what is causing the guilt and then work on the underlying reasons.
G =Give yourself an emotional break! You are human, you make mistakes…unfortunately our imperfection causes us pain however in our imperfection lies our “humanness”
U = Understand that if the guilt is over someone who has died, there is little practical things we can do. Concentrate not on what went …read more

Possibly one of the most famous widows is Yoko Ono, who was married to John Lennon. She is 74 now and is just launching a new album – at 74! Speaking on metromix.com she says
”

Although she hasn’t released an album of all-new material in more than a decade, she’s stayed current with remix records like the recent “Open Your Box,” featuring Basement Jaxx and Pet Shop Boys. But at the age of 74, Ono isn’t looking to define herself. Asked what audiences can expect from her on stage, she answers, “Me. They can expect me.”
For someone who lost the …read more

Tifanny has posted her memorial here if people would like to see the man that was most precious to her.
She reminds me that moving on is not forgetting, it is living forward not in the past. You will never lose the stories but you cannot bring him back. That is the acceptance part. Once you can accept the reality, you can start living with him in your heart in a positive way. My dad used to tell me – don’t hold on to the things that you cannot change. That is true, as much as we want to change the …read more

We know that when we suffer loss we go through a grief cycle – Anger, Denial, Rejection, Acceptance and Integration. I can understand the process and also knowing that has helped me come to terms with the grief.
I was trying to think of what binds the cycle and I feel that talking is the key. Apt from someone who struggles to share my emotions to people – that is why I blog! – but talking is a huge part of moving through the cycle. By talking to others about your feelings, you are letting the emotions out and also looking …read more

If you think about a heart, it needs blood flowing in and flowing out – it is a pump that protects your life. My aunt said to me the other day talked to me about how helps her heart.
She said “Your heart needs lifeblood flowing in….and I think that you can help this by exercise, friends, valuing yourself, giving yourself goals for the day. Your heart also needs for you to find ways of letting the emotion out – crying, laughing, talking, singing. Your heart helps you, Anna make sure you help your heart”
This conversation made a real impact on …read more

I have found since my loss that I have wanted to go out less, socialise…it all seems a waste of time or not what I want to do. The problem is that the more you are by yourself, the more you want to be and the less you interact with people. Tonight my best friend is coming over and yes, it will be good to see her but already I am starting to think in my heart, I would prefer just to sit in and watch a good film.
In this situation, it is so important to force yourself to commit …read more