Widows Quest » self-talk

10 Phrases for Widows and Widowers in 2010

Anna Farmery — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 20:07:32 +0000

We are facing the end of a year which grief has in many ways affected our lives….so I have been thinking of how we need to change our self talk

I can …rather than I can’t..
I will… rather than I will never
I can cope…
I enjoy living…rather than I feel guilty living
I will do it today…rather than I will think about it tomorrow
I feel grateful for having them in my life…rather than I hate the fact they are gone
I feel proud of the way I…..rather than why can’t I…..
Can’t wait for 2010, it will be a new start…rather than when will 2009 end
I accept what has happened…rather than why did this happen?
It is time for me to move on…rather than holding on to the past

What would you suggest gets added to the list?

Post from: Widows Quest

Are You Your Best Friend

Anna Farmery — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 11:54:03 +0000

As we journey through the grief process, I have come to the conclusion that part of the process is about the friendship with yourself. You need to work at the relationship with your inner self, here are my quick tips

Are you honest with yourself? Honest about your feelings, honest about the lost relationship (sometimes we can look through rose tinted glasses), honest about what you want from the future – it is OK to want to be happy.
Are you honest about the way you feel - do you let the anger and resentment out?
Do you listen to your own advice and try and live by it – or do you ignore what you know is good advice. For instanc, I know I must keep myself cooped away, yet sometimes I ignore that and feel worse for it!
Do you love yourself for being you ?…you existed before you met your spouse…you will exist after their death.
Do you look for your strengths or concentrate on your failings?
Do you invest time for yourself, do you treat yourself and pamper yourself like you would a friend?
Do you make your progress a priority in your life…if you were your friend then you would invest time in getting you through the bereavement?

We are constantly talking to ourselves whether we know that or not…we need to ensure that this talking is positive…we will cope, we deserve to be happy, we love that we are emotional and will use that to grow, we love our strength in adversity….

Are you your best friend or are you draining the energy from your own friendship through negative talk and not bothering to look after yourself?

Post from: Widows Quest

Watch your language!

Anna Farmery — Mon, 15 Jan 2007 21:04:23 +0000

When grief takes hold and it is hard to shake it off, just listen to the words that you are using. They will be negative - never, can’t, always happens, etc Your words are important, as it sends you in a downward spiral. You must concentrate on ensuring that the words you use lift your mood. I know you may not feel happy, but the more positive words you use the better you will feel. If you find yourself saying any of these words then ask a question back to your brain…how do you know I can’t? You said, never….I bet we can think of times when …..

Depression is an awful illness and I should know. One close friend said to me “Help starts in your head” and she was right. Now I am not saying that I never feel down – as you know on this blog – but I recognise the words and change them. Hope this tip helps you.

Post from: Widows Quest