I spoke with an old friend tonight, who lost her husband in a road accident about 5 years ago. His death was a shock and she went through a severe depression resulting in quite a dependency on anti depressants. She really could never imagine life without him and we feared a suicide bid.

She phoned to announce her engagement to a wonderful man who she met at a local grief support group. She never believed that she would be able to love again, yet she has not only found love, but a happiness that is wonderful to see.

I asked her if she could give any advice to people, this is what she said

“Grief is a tunnel, as you enter you can see only darkness. It feels lonely, cold, damp - from all the tears. But if you keep on walking, keep on moving through that tunnel, then you will see a light. Small at first but keep going, because that light will become stronger. I will never forget him, my love will always be there - loving someone else will never take that away” 

Death can sometimes creep up on us, strike when we least expect. So how do we cope with the grief  

S = Shock occurs because we just don’t understand why…the only reason is that as humans we are born, we live and at some point we die. The timing can be any time. In reality there is never a good time, it was just their time.

H = Hope. You will doubt your ability to cope - that is normal. However, look around there are many people touched by death. They should give you hope that despite the pain, despite the overwhelming emotion, you will come through and learn to live with the grief.

O = Offers of help will be there. Don’t feel that you have to do everything yourself. Others are grieving, they can’t bring your loved one back but they can help you - let them help as a way of them supporting you through your bereavement.

C = Coping does not mean ignoring our emotions. We need to let those emotions out. Coping means understanding the grief cycle and allowing yourself to grieve not blocking our emotions out.

K = Know that shock is the heart’s way of coping. Our heart is a precious gift. Shock gives our heart space to come to terms with our grief.

[photo by istockphoto]