She said she was going to his grave today and was going to talk to him, fill him in on what his son had achieved. She said that although he wasn’t still alive, it didn’t mean she couldn’t talk to him. My heart went out to her in one sense, and in another slightly envious that she had found a way of comfort for herself. How do you cope?

Post from: Widows Quest

H= Have a list of 3 things that you want to achieve, your dreams and spend time planning how you will make them reality.

O= Offer help to others. Supporting others helps you see that you are not alone.

P= Put time into learning about how to turn your life around. I post every sunday some of the best tips from other bloggers as a way of helping you through your grief. Watch out for the one tonight!

E= Ensure that you socialise with family and friends.

Post from: Widows Quest

“I am 87 years old and have been a widow for 8 months. I had been married for 66 years and know the true feeling of love. When he died I started to drink, at first to get to sleep and then more in the hope that I didn’t wake up. I just wanted to go to him, I couldn’t bare to be apart. Other than the war we had never spent a night apart and I could not face life without him. My great grandchildren who I love very much came to visit a few months ago, and for my birthday bought me a computer. I mean me a computer for a 87! But it has opened up a whole new world to me. I have been reading a Widows Quest for a few weeks and it has helped me understand that no matter what age you are, loss is loss. Age is not the reason for wanting to give up, it is the pain that you feel all through your body.

Through reading your writing it has taught me that despite my age, I owe it to myself, my family and my dear Tom’s memory to overcome this depression. I am fit, and I still have things that I dream of doing. I would never have dreamed of learning about blogs, the internet a few months ago and now I feel I have friends all over the world.

My advice that I wanted to share is this. Life is special, a gift from God and we – no matter our age – should value it. We valued the life of the person we lost, so why not value our own. I have taken your advice of writing 3 dreams that I want to come true including visiting my grandchildren in South Africa. I have booked the tickets and although a few people think that it is too much at my age, I have said “You are never too old to live your dream”.

Thank you for sharing the pain that you are feeling and please know that pain never goes away but you can balance it by doing things that make you happy.”

Wow, Joan from Toronto has really made me think. 87 and exploring new countries and learning new skills! I don’t know about you, but I feel that is Joan can, I can. Thank you for such an inspiring story.

Post from: Widows Quest

So this Christmas she sponsored a child in Africa which I thought was a great way to ease the pain. She said “Now I have the pleassure off seeing happiness in the eyes of another via letters, and I know my husband would have loved it as our honeymoon was in Kenya”

Great positive action to heal pain, and to help others while you grieve.

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Post from: Widows Quest

• To keep writing the blog and supporting others through the grief cycle. Together you achieve more.
• To launch a podcast of stories that the readers of this blog share to help others to get through their bereavement. I think by sharing our stories we help each other to come to terms with loss and understand that we are not alone.
• To be positive, and before I go to bed each night I will write down something that I have done to show that I am moving forward no matter how much I hurt.
• To address my weight gain and get myself back in shape, to help my self-esteem.
• To think of a way of honouring his memory this year, in a way that he would want.

Have you set some targets for yourself to try and move forward this year? Share them with me, sharing helps make them real and helps you commit to achieving them.

Post from: Widows Quest

 I want to send out personal wishes to the families and also to anyone else who lost someone dear to over the last few days. It is hard enough losing someone, but during the holiday season it can be harder. One blessing is that hopefully there are family and friends around to support you all, and make sure you lean on them, don’t be proud….let them be your crutches for your broken heart.

Post from: Widows Quest

We met at a motorway petrol station! We bought a sandwich and a couple of bottles of coca cola…and sat in the car with a blanket wrapped around us. He put on a tape of all our favourite slushy songs, and I just seemed to melt into his arms.

What made this day special? Well, it was just the 2 of us, with no trappings just us there talking and hugging. For all the money in the world I wouldn’t have swapped those 2 hours of complete oneness – he had even written me a poem and read that to me.

As I live through today, I don’t want to dwell on the grief but the wonderful, happy memories I shared with him. Why be sad on a day that was always so special to us…no, I am going to remember him, smile with my thoughts, and feel that love wrapped around me.

Post from: Widows Quest

Yet, it is incredibly hard to get ready…..something is missing inside, the person I love just isn’t going to be there. Daft as it sounds I spoke to him last night before trying to get to sleep and asked for strength to get through the say…..as I looked at the photo, I could hear him say

 ”Today is not about you or me, it is a day for the children. Make sure you make their Christmas special, as for me well I will be with you deep in your heart”

And that is true, wherever you are try today to make the day special for others….today of all days is not about you but about the wonder of life and giving/sharing with others..

Post from: Widows Quest

 Sorry I am late in moderating the comments, hope you will forgive me as I went to pick my mum up for Xmas yesterday. I have just read your comment out to her and her eyes filled up with pain. She knows only too well, how sitting next to the man you love and waiting for his last breath is torment and yet at the same time a relief. Both mum and I are with you, and will be thinking about you….there are few words to say at this time other than whether here in body or not, the love that you shared will keep you warm over the next few months. In the last few hours, talk to him, tell him everything you want him to know, hold his hand and ensure that he knows you are there……and remember mum and I are here to help you through this time.

Post from: Widows Quest