Widows Quest is a community, not a blog to me. Last month we trialled getting together from around the world just to talk about our lives, our fears and  - our tears. It was so wonderful to speak to other widows (or widowers) that we have arranged another grief support meeting….and remember it is free!

You don’t need to telephone…all you need is a computer with speakers…a microphone would be even better so we can hear you, but you can always use the chat box to talk to us, or just listen.

The June meeting will be online Friday 5th June at 6pm New York time. To check what time that is in your area try the world clock service.

If you want to join in then I will be holding it using gotomeeting and the details are as follows

Go to  https://www2.gotomeeting.com/join/172750394

You will be asked for a meeting ID which is : 172-750-394

It would be great to hear your story and also which posts from Widows Quests you really engaged with in May

First of all I will send the details for our Widows Quest support group out on Friday, ahead of the Sunday conversation. Don’t forget to let me know if you want to join in by emailing me at anna@theengagingbrand.com

Yesterday I was at another funeral and they read out a poem called She Is Gone which really made me think about grief and how to cope with the loss of a loved one.

She is Gone

You can shed tears that she is gone

or you can smile because she has lived.

You can close your eyes and pray that she’ll come back

or you can open your eyes and see all she’s left.

Your heart can be empty becuase you can’t see her

or you can be full of the love you shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday

or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember her and only that she’s gone

or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back

or you can do what she’d want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on….

Anonymous

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One thing I love about the Widows Quest community is the willingness to share our grief and tips on how to cope with bereavement. Here are quick tips on how to deal with grief and start the recovery during the Valentine’s Day from Louise Zweben, CEO of SympathyTree.com It is only a week away and I hope these tips on coping with grief will help us all. Feel free in the comments to add your own…
Create an online memorial that brings your family and friends together from all over the world to share stories of love and loss, sadness and joy, written in words, photos and video about the person you lost; to help us smile, laugh, cry and embrace our loved one’s life in an effort to make sense of our loss. While allowing you to create a very nice tribute to them on this special day, online memorial also provides the comfort of a close community and allows us to take the first steps needed to move forward.
Collect photographs and watch videos of you with your loved one as a way to remember the times you shared with them.  You do not want to just block it out.  Moving on starts with looking back.
Invite friends or family over to share a meal or some time together.  Time spent with them can be a very cathartic and reflective time and begins the process of putting things in perspective.
Start the process of getting your business matters in order so you can begin to bring some normalcy back in your life.  This involves getting in order the tax records, property records, investment records, insurance and retiree benefit records, as well as addressing trivial issues such as getting utility bills, bank accounts and credit cards in your name.  Working with close family members or an attorney is the right way to start.  Don’t postpone them for too long., start something small on this Valentine’s Day.
Pledge to join a support group, so you can learn to cope with the loss of someone who was a part of what made us what we are.  So, what do we do, how do we go on after they are gone and how do we deal with the grief?  In addition to family and friends, a support group can help you during this difficult time. 
Visit their grave, so you can tell them how much you loved them and miss them.  Say things you forgot to say when you were together, as if they are standing right in front of you.  You may be carrying burdens of guilt, which unless released, will come in the way of your moving forward.  Start unleashing those burdens this Valentine’s Day.

 I wrote a post called Finding Your Strengths for a New Life and received a heart tugging comment from a recent widow here is a snippet

“I really do miss my dearest husband and I instantly start to cry when I look at our pictures. This has not been happening lately, but today I feel down and am in need of finding someone to talk to. My mother is around, but she seems to become worse if I open up for her.
So I really don’t know what to do….”

I know we all know that feeling, I know that none of us can take away the pain but I do know that there is a wonderful community who will want to reach out and help - any advice you can give please leave a comment.

My thoughts are

• You are going through the grief cycle. Your feelings, your tears are your heart showing the world its pain. With a broken leg, the world gives you a cast…with a broken heart they don’t, but it still needs to heal. Don’t fear the tears, let your heart recover in its own way.
•  When I didn’t feel that I had anyone to talk to, I started a journal and used to write my feelings down. I felt that I either had to talk or write…..I needed to release the pain.
• Is there a support group that you could go to for military widows ? That would be good as those people understand losing your husband in war.
• There is no logic to loss. I think when I came to terms with there was nothing that I could do to change his death…then I started to move forward. We cannot make sense of what has happened, we cannot bring them back….what I then did was concentrate on how I could honor his memory…it gave me something to focus on for the future rather than thinking about what had happened

I know the community here will help you. We understand your pain and are here for you…talk to us, share your feelings, we will see you through the pain

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Grief is difficult, very difficult for adults but I think often underestimate the impact on children. Children are very resilient and often want to hide their true feelings as they know you are struggling to cope with all the practical issues as well as your emotions. They can often be isolated. I was interested to read at the Journal and Courier Online

“Edward Cleaver, bereavement organizer for the camp, said children dealing with grief often believe others don’t feel the same or can understand them. “We want to reduce the isolation they are feeling,” he said.

Matched with a big-buddy counselor, the campers spent the weekend horseback riding, trying archery, strolling in nature and talking in group sessions around a campfire or one-on-one.

Up to 20 kids are recruited in central Indiana to attend. All expenses are covered by donations.

Haley Riemenschneider, 11, of Logasnport had only talked with her mother about her father’s passing until Camp Angel.

“In school they want to know why you are talking to them about it,” she said of her classmates. “Here, everyone understands.”

That last comment was so telling for me…here everyone understands. We do need to ensure that they have a channel of emotional release, a channel for an expression of their thoughts no matter how much they say that they are coping.