Losing someone you love makes you think about the need for love so deep inside all human beings. Last night I went over to stay with mum ahead of a meeting I was having near her…..and it struck me that as a child you spend much of the time wanting others to see you grown up, wanting to fall in love, wanting to be ‘treated like an adult’.
The irony is that as you become that adult, as you go through the joys and sorrows of life, you value that support and looking after of others. Last night I went home, …read more

Support and friendship are two wonderful ingredients in the grieving process. Last month I organised a web session so that we could all talk, and it was so wonderful speaking to other readers of Widows Quest that we thought we would arrange another one. If you want to join in, it is totally free! Then just register your interest at the Widows Quest wiki.
The plan is that the session will be held at 6pm New York time on Friday 5th June 2009. I will post the details of the link to the gotomeeting site nearer the time.
Would love your ideas …read more

Blogging and indeed having all your wonderful comments, really shows me that no matter what culture, how the grief has occurred – the feeling of loss is the same worldwide. Blogging has been a great comfort to me to know that I am not alone, that I am not daft because at times I haven’t coped very well.
Grief really is a universal feeling, one that brings all people together. Blogging is like that too….some things that I have learned about the grief process over the last couple of weeks

Nothing is like receiving comforting words from people who care and who …read more

…I received a heart wrenching email from someone who was ready to finish it all, ready to give in to the grief and bring an end to the heartache. I can so understand that feeling, I can so understand how people reach that point BUT I beg any of you who have those thoughts to think of these few thoughts…

Death does not bring an end to pain…just yours. Those around you who are already suffering, would then have more pain to deal with, more guilt to deal with…I am sure that you love your family and friends and if you …read more

This time of year is hard as we miss the people who are no longer with us to share the holiday times. But I like to see it as a chance to
1) Pay THANKS to my lost loved one for GIVING me the most wonderful years of my life. After all we can we may miss them but we were lucky enough to have had them in our lives and to have felt happiness with them.
2) Ensure that I am GIVING to others to show THANKS for them being in my life.
Thanks and Giving are 2 such underutilized words and …read more

It is my birthday tomorrow and I always find this one of the hardest times. We always enjoyed birthdays and went to a lot of trouble to make it very special. Tomorrow it just won’t be the same. My friend is taking the day off and we are going into the countryside to have a walk, this will be lovely and no doubt I will share memories with her.
Birthdays are a celebration, a celebration of life and life should be celebrated. So I am working on my mind today to not concentrate on his death but on the life he …read more

A comment came in yesterday from the owner of a blog called Grief is Good which was set up for the following reason
“This site is an open collection of messages that underline the fact that grief is good and necessary. Each post is a response to the following question: “If you could send a message to a deceased loved one, what would you say?” Writing messages to lost loved ones can be a comforting exercise that brings order to unresolved and confusing thoughts that have lingered since the time of a person’s death.”
Each Sunday he posts messages up to 250 …read more

Earlier I posted about how I struggled to remember my dad in any other way than on his death bed. Carol Scibelli commented say “If you have people around you who remember him and they talk to you about their happy memories with you and him together (the way he looked at you with love, teased each other, etc) this may bring about a new way for you to hold unto a happier image.”
This was excellent advice and I asked my dear old mum when Dad was the happiest in the last few years. She relived a holiday they took …read more

I just wanted to post to say thank you for all your kind words – Thomas left a comment yesterday saying that the blog was really helping and that meant the world to me. When you have suffered grief you know how crippling it can be and writing the blog is my way of helping others. When I get such kind words back it makes all the work seem so worthwhile – THANK YOU for making a difference in my world too!

In the previous post there was a comment about the last picture you have in your head. I really relate to this – especially with my dad. He died from dementia and at the end he had quite a violent death – swallowing his tongue. It is now 3 years on and I still see him in those last few seconds when I was holding his hand. I cannot see him when he was healthy just ill. People say over time that I will, but over 3 years on and I still hold that picture in my mind. I have …read more