The irony is that as you become that adult, as you go through the joys and sorrows of life, you value that support and looking after of others. Last night I went home, mum cooked tea, even put a water bottle in bed for me, gave me a pack up of homemade food to take home…..it was wonderful. It is at these times when I think how wonderful it would be to have back the naivety and joy of the unbroken heart of a child.

So the question is do you spend your childhood wanting to be an adult and your adult life enjoying those special times when others care for you in that wonderful parental way?

I know one thing is true, in grief you value the love and caring of others so much more as you understand the precious nature of that love.

Post from: Widows Quest

The plan is that the session will be held at 6pm New York time on Friday 5th June 2009. I will post the details of the link to the gotomeeting site nearer the time.

Would love your ideas on what we coould talk about – or maybe what we should do is take a blog post that meant the most to us this month?

Post from: Widows Quest

Grief really is a universal feeling, one that brings all people together. Blogging is like that too….some things that I have learned about the grief process over the last couple of weeks

• Nothing is like receiving comforting words from people who care and who understand.
• If you are open to support…you are never truly alone.  
• Time heals but hearts never forget
• No one knows the answers for grieving…..but we do know that the answers are different for each person.
• Talking about your feelings helps put things in perspective.
• As unique as we all are, when it comes to feelings are we really unique?

I want to thank you all for your support and kindness – here is a virtual hug to you all!

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Post from: Widows Quest

• Death does not bring an end to pain…just yours. Those around you who are already suffering, would then have more pain to deal with, more guilt to deal with…I am sure that you love your family and friends and if you do, please don’t take away your love from them.
• Death is a short term fix with no upside. By talking, by getting help you will get over the pain in the long term and the upside is finding a way to enjoy life again…and even love again.
• We have all felt like that, felt that no one could possibly imagine the pain…but at Widows Quest we are living proof that with time, you can come through…you are not alone…and weaker people than yourself have found a way through. Don’t give up now, you don’t know how close you are to finding comfort.
• Would that be what your spouse would have wanted…really? I know that would not have been the case with me, they would want me to carry on, to enjoy living again…whilst they watch over me and wait for me. But they would not have wanted me to give up the chance of helping this world be a better place.
• There are so many people who do not get a choice when their   body fails them, I feel life is too precious to cast it aside.
• You need help, you need support, you need someone to reach out and make the pain go away….there are people – friends, family, your doctor, groups, blogs like Widows Quest that can be there for you. They want to be there for you. Don’t give up on life because you are too scared to ask…..to weak to ask….to proud to ask…

Post from: Widows Quest

1) Pay THANKS to my lost loved one for GIVING me the most wonderful years of my life. After all we can we may miss them but we were lucky enough to have had them in our lives and to have felt happiness with them.

2) Ensure that I am GIVING to others to show THANKS for them being in my life.

Thanks and Giving are 2 such underutilized words and actions in the world today. As widows or people who have felt the pain of loss, we should be at the forefront of giving thanks, of thanking others for giving…..we have had support, we have had love which has helped us through some of the rougher times in lives..how can we repay that support? By giving that support to others who may need that love   as much as we do.

Have a wonderful holiday and I would like to THANK YOU for GIVING me a purpose during the most difficult years of my life.

Post from: Widows Quest

Birthdays are a celebration, a celebration of life and life should be celebrated. So I am working on my mind today to not concentrate on his death but on the life he gave me and how he made each day feel like my birthday.
How do you feel about birthdays ? Do you find it hard to celebrate?

Post from: Widows Quest

“This site is an open collection of messages that underline the fact that grief is good and necessary. Each post is a response to the following question: “If you could send a message to a deceased loved one, what would you say?” Writing messages to lost loved ones can be a comforting exercise that brings order to unresolved and confusing thoughts that have lingered since the time of a person’s death.”

Each Sunday he posts messages up to 250 words – to send him your message here is the e-mail griefisgood@gmail.com

Here is one that really touched me

“For months now, I have been asking myself why did you have to die. Why? Why? Why? I couldn’t come up with any answers that satisfied me. This afternoon as I was walking down the street admiring the setting sun, I wondered whether it would be sunny, cloudy, cold, or warm tomorrow. It occurred to me then that I live with uncertainty all the time in daily life. I will never know why you were taken away from us, and I am only beginning to understand that not knowing is just a part of life. Not every “Why?” can be answered. It’s just so unfortunate that you had to die for me to figure this out”

Post from: Widows Quest

This was excellent advice and I asked my dear old mum when Dad was the happiest in the last few years. She relived a holiday they took together in Croatia. So we have decided to go back there this summer, she is going to dig out the photo’s of him smiling and thoroughly enjoying the scenery and the history of the place. I cannot wait. Again, Carol was right about replacing the bad memories with good ones and I hope this will help. The key though is that I am taking action, I am doing something to replace those images in my head. If you have something that keeps replaying in your mind – think of an action, think of what you can do to replace it with more special moments. Thanks Carol for the advice!

Post from: Widows Quest

Post from: Widows Quest

Post from: Widows Quest