The worst part was that her body was never found, I remember taking the call to say that they couldn’t say she had died – as no body – just that she was not alive.

A memorial has opened today and it is a fitting tribute to these wonderful people who had done nothing wrong other than going about their ordinary lives. Prince Charles said today

“The creation of a monument or memorial fulfils … a deeper need, for each one offers a path to peace and healing, each one honours the dead and each reminds us to live our lives in a way that would make them proud.”

Events can be so cruel, I suppose that is life. The years go by and we all remember those people with the same love that we shared when they were so vibrantly alive.

Today is hard for all of us, but through it all I know that I am so glad that I had her in my life.

Post from: Widows Quest

1. Get a notebook and journal your journey through grief so you can track your progress.
2. Get a diary and plan a social life no matter how small – you deserve to be happy.
3. Get a few moments to think of a way of keeping their legacy alive as a way of honoring them but also as a way of doing something positive for the living ,following an untimely death.
4. Get a piece of paper and write down 3 lifetime goals. Then plan positive steps of achieving them. Each of us need a reason to live.

So Four Gets to help you to Forget

Post from: Widows Quest

E = Emotional strength. Can you understand and learn to live with the new emotions that flow through your body?

X = Cross to bear – how do you cope with being a widow/widower? How do you cope with ticking that box on a form, how do you cope with the pain of lost love?The ultimate test of personal strength and courage.

A = Ability to bounce back from tragedy.What do they say….it is not what happens to you in this world, it is how you react?

M = Maintaining a positive outlook on this wonderful life despite the pain of grief and the feeling of loss and loneliness.

What got me through those exams as a youngster was understanding it needed hard work to pass them, it needed resilience and a self belief…..grief is like that too, no short cuts…just hard work and finding that self belief to believe that you will succeed.

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Post from: Widows Quest

R = Remain hopeful. I know that sounds strange, but hope is a natural energiser of positive steps. Write down 3 things that you hope for, then start working towards them.

E = Enjoy the company of friends and family. In time, laughing will not feel guilty but the natural pleasure of a human being. I know you will feel that you want to be alone, but force yourself out and eventually you will learn to smile again.

B = Be realistic with your feelings. You will have good days, you will have bad days…that is totally normal. Try not to see how you are coping now, but how you are coping over time. I set myself targets of happiness! How many nights I slept in a row, how many days since I cried…to show me that I was progressing.

U= Understand that the only way that your heart will mend is by allowing it to open up to the risk of being hurt again. Don’t be afraid to talk to the opposite sex, it is just talking….

I = Involve yourself in activities. The community is always looking for volunteers. By giving to others, you start to feel better about yourself and grateful for what you HAVE rather than what you have lost.

L =Long term goals are important so that you have something to work towards. Again set yourself targets and track your progress. Mine was losing the weight that I had put on during the lead up to his death. I set myself a long term target of getting fit, eating healthily and losing 56lbs…I have done it!

D = Decide to not hold on to the past. I don’t mean lose the memories, but the past is the past. There is nothing that you can do now to change events. Write down 3 things that you have learnt about life, learnt about yourself and think of ways that you can put those learnings into action.

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Post from: Widows Quest

“We can only learn to love, by loving”

As widows or widowers we could change that to 

“We can only learn to love again, by loving again”

Grief is the end of one chapter of your life. It is not the end of loving. After all death has brought an end to the partnership but it has brought an end to t he love we feel – that love is causing our grief. That shows that we can still love, that grief shows that our heart still ha s the capacity. As hard as it seems, one day our heart will open up to the risk of loving again….it was born to love.

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Post from: Widows Quest

“Grieving is all a part of what we’re supposed to do when tragedy strikes. It is a part of our being human that triggers this response.How we cope is not entirely left to us to decide.There are caring people in the world,even those who you may have thought didn’t care about you, are only just around the corner and they will come to you and help you through your pain.

What is important for all of us to remember in every day of our lives, is the value our loved one’s left behind for others who will never forget their actions and deeds.If we can associate our emotions to the wonderful legacies that were created, that in itself, gives us the strength to fight our demons and restore some normality back into our lives.

The pain we feel inside is brought on by sudden impact of loss.It is natural, though hard to wean out of system because we are in the transition stage of mourning.We have to embrace our emotions positively and ask ourselves where we can go from here.

Create a road map and plot out your thoughts or simply write them down.Cross off what you were able to achieve day by day and soon, you’ll notice that in your personal strength, you have the will & courage to move on. Interact with others, do not corner yourself and lock the world out from your life.Be flexible and look at what you can contribute to others who need support.

If you’re online & reading this, use the Internet and eek out resources that will drive your passion forward. Within no time to next, you’ll be amazed at how much of you the world needs. As a starter, I will recommend petey.heartheirstories.com.Read, Listen & Apply all that you possess within you and your loved one’s will be guiding you through every decision you make.God Bless.”

I value the words that people write, I value the time you all take to join in the conversation. I value the fact that you all care….I value our online friendship if that doesn’t sound silly!

Post from: Widows Quest

I was reading on the This is Swansea website about “a nursing student was devastated by the loss of her husband in a road crash.Showing remarkable courage and fortitude, she overcame her grief and completed her degree course.”

29 year old Joanne Thomas story is described by her personal tutor “Joanne had only been married for two years but this tragedy made her more determined to complete her studies, in memory of her husband.

“She proved this by showing great determination and tremendous courage to stay and successfully complete her studies with her original cohort.”

The completion of this nursing course will not bring back her husband but it will help her rebuild her confidence and show her that whatever life throws at her….she can cope. Just like you! 

Post from: Widows Quest

They struggled to cope with their loss and yet turned their focus from grief, to reaching out to the very country that had trained the terrorists who took their husbands lives: Afghanistan. They turned to empowering Afghan widows.

The new film Beyond Belief tells the story of their journey from Boston to Afghan villages, developing a powerful bond along the way and unlikely kinship with widows halfway round the world. In doing so they managed to move beyond the tragedy that had wrecked their lives.

An emotional touching film that shows how we can turn our dark depression into an inspirational life.  Here are some reviews

“Genuinely inspirational” New York magazine

“A truly remarkable story of two women filled with courage and determination” ABC News

Now I have to say you need the hankies at the ready but I was left with an amazing sense of it is not what happens to you in life, it is how you react and find a way of turning that pain into something worthwhile….. 

Post from: Widows Quest

 

I think the real tragedy is when we don’t use our bereavement to grow as a person, when we don’t use the loss of a loved one to think about our life. Our life is precious, we are mourning the loss of someone, we should understand the amazing nature of life…..so to prevent further tragedy we must find a purpose for our life. We need to think about how we want to make the most of our lives to benefit others, we need to think about how we want to make our life worthwhile…before we take our last breath as well.

In mourning let us see that we have been given that chance to make the most of each day we have, let’s not let the pain drain that motivation from us, lets ensure that from death comes a renewed vigour to making this world a better place.

Post from: Widows Quest