C =Creates a sense of belonging

O =Offers different perspectives to grief

M = Meaning – gives me meaning to each day, knowing that writing this blog may help one persons pain or connects me with another widow or widower.

F = Friendship that has no strings just one heart

O = Offers hope for the future

R = Raises my spirits on days when I don’t feel I can live through the pain barrier 

T = Together I feel we are stronger, together I feel we can face our fears, together we can find comfort in our lives.

[istockphoto]

Post from: Widows Quest

•  Saying he wanted to go, asking us to let him go. Giving us hope that death released him from pain.
• Though unconscious, smiling when we touched him- he knew the difference between family and nurses.
• Asking us for our commitment to look after mum – it was like passing on his role, giving us something to hang on to and live up to…..

You know, with Dad he died quickly of dementia- within 80 days of diagnosis. The doctors were surprised by his rapid decline – even held a post mortam, I wasn’t though…Dad was a very poud man who loved my mum so much. He wanted to go quickly, he didn’t want my mum to suffer or be a burden to anyone. His early death, I believe was truly his final act of love.I hated losing him, though mum said that we had lost him much earlier than when he took that final breath and she was right. I have a tear thinking of him now, Dad if you can access the internet from your resting place…I love you, I miss you every day of my life xxx 

[istockphoto] 

Post from: Widows Quest

The rain is like our grief. Our tears flow and flow, our outlook feels dark with no sign of relief.

The rainbow is like our journey. It is a bridge to the future. The grief has caused us to change, it has brought out different emotions, different experiences that has caused us to grow as a human being, just like the array of colours in the sky.

The pot of gold is like our hope. We hope that with time we will find a new happiness, a new life. In reality   our life is new now because it has already has changed. We start to cope with our grief when we realise there is no magic formula, there is no pot of gold….there is an arc of pain that we need to go through to find the sunshine again.

Rainbows are a sign that there has been rain…but they are also a sign that the worst is over. Maybe we should all put a picture of a rainbow in our homes, to remind ourselves that happiness is on it’s way….

Post from: Widows Quest

Let us think of 3 things that we value about ourselves and maybe pass this post on to friends who can add what they value about you. I will ask Krishna De and  Sempre what they value about themselves and how this blog brings value to them?

I find it hard to think about my value but I would say

1. I love to look after my family and ensure that they know they are loved.  
2. Each day I try and make at least one person feel better, by making them smile.
3. I have a high degree of integrity and honesty. I pride myself on my values and living by them.

Post from: Widows Quest

1. When you are grieving you shut down your emotions to protect yourself. Maybe what I am feeling is the “numbness” associated with my heart still not being ready to emotionally join the world as yet.
2. It is OK! My body, my heart has been through shock and an immense amount of pain. I am not ‘weird’, I am completely normal!
3. It takes time to rejoin the world. When I think how far I have come, I have come a   long way….there is still a long journey ahead but again that is fine. Time will heal, time will bring socialising skills back.
4. Maybe I will never be the same. After all, a huge emotional event has happened. My carefree days are maybe over, as I now have been shaped by bereavement, by pain. That does not mean I can’t be happy, it just means that once my brain computes all the emotions, my outlook may have slightly altered.

Do you have any thoughts that may help us all?

Post from: Widows Quest

I found myself smiling at the thought of a meet up and a lovely barbecue…no pressure just friends who care, can’t wait. I don’t know what I would have done without my friends over the last months….   

Post from: Widows Quest

After all we are people that understand pain, understand how someone taking the time to listen, to smile, to talk to us, really helps heal the wounds inside our soul.

So today or tomorrow – reach out and touch somebody’s heart!

Post from: Widows Quest

F= Family may have all been born from the same gene pool, however they are all human, all different. The world would be a dull place if we were the same – family does not mean you have to agree, but remember family is great support and a great font of love. Try and compromise, try to find a solution that both people can agree to……give a little.

E= Empathasise with how people cope with grief. Some may be weepy, others seem to be happy….key is understanding that each person copes in their own way. Try not to judge another person’s reaction – it is their way of coping.

U=Understand that you are all grieving and any big decisions should be put off until there has been a little time. Emotions are raw, minds are not thinking straight, agree not to make life decisions for a few months. So that you can all have time to let the pain heal a little.

D= Dialogue. Make sure that you talk through issues and listen, really listen to other people. When you are hurting it, you can “hear” what people are saying but not really understanding what they are meaning. Try and listen, try and understand. You don’t need to agree, just understand their point of view.

I know that family feuds are difficult and these tips do take both parties, however if you can stay calm, stay objective and understand your grief.

Post from: Widows Quest

 

Last week I talked about taking control of your life, this is one way I have tried to take control of mine. The best part is that I have made many friends on line through the diet.

Post from: Widows Quest

“I have had a hard six months, I lost my fiancé, a friend of mine lost her 26 year old son, and another friend of mine has had two miscarriages, one of which was today (it would have been triplets.) I have always been the person who fixes things. When ever someone needed something they came to me and I got it done. Over the last six months I have had to relinquish that control and say to my self “there is nothing I could have done to change this” and that has been the most difficult thing for me. Admitting that there is nothing I could have done to prevent his death. And trying to come to terms with the fact that I can not take away all the pain my friends and family have encountered no matter how much I would like to. Taking control of what I can actually change is my battle, and doing the little things to make people smile are what I found make my day.”

Post from: Widows Quest