As I look at nana I wonder…which is the most frightening?
Waiting to die or
Waiting to live?
I always assumed death was the most fearful, after all once it happens who truly knows. That fear of the unknown I am sure has brought Nana back from the edge at least twice this week.
But then you look at the life of a widow or widower after bereavement. That lack of acceptance means that we don’t move on, living is as fearful to the survivor as often death can be to the dying.
In both situations the fear is based on the unknown – though …read more

Still at the hospital and it breaks my heart to see her lying there…looking almost childlike. I suppose I am now coming to terms with letting her go as she is finding harder and harder to breathe and you just don’t want her to find anything about life hard.
I had tears last night when I said to her “Its OK Nana, go to sleep…there is nothing to be afraid of Bronco (that is my nickname for my grandad) is waiting for you.”  The tears were recognition that I had to let her go, I had to help her through this …read more

In grief we can isolate ourselves, in grief we can shut the world out, in grief as widows and widowers we can believe that we never want to fall in love again….
When I was coughing away, by myself this weekend, feeling sorry for myself that there was no one in the house just to look after me….(how old am I!) I started to think about connection. When we enter the world we are physically connected with our mothers…we depended on their nourishment in the womb, we depend on their milk, their support and security throughout our childhood.
When you think about …read more

I have just updated the support meeting wiki as I can’t make the session tonight. I was so looking forward to speaking to you all, there hasn’t been a call when you haven’t lifted my spirits and given me the courage to carry on the grieving fight. I came home early as I have the onset of flu, shiver – can’t get warm, barking cough and absolutely no energy.
I am sure an early night will suffice and I will be back fighting fit tomorrow….and of course I will rearrange the session.
I just want to give my heartfelt apologies….I so didn’t …read more

Don’t forget about our next online meeting  being  held at 6pm New York time on 16th October. That’s tomorrow!
You can sign up, remember it is free of charge and easy to do!, at the Widows Quest Wiki Page.
It is one hour which I really look forward to as I hear from all of you of how you are coping and in some small way we can try and support each other like only widows and widowers can…..if you haven’t joined before, we would love to hear from you and it really is easy… all you have to do it
1) Go …read more

When you are feeling down or lonely, I don’t know about you but I tend to see the pain in my face. When I look in the mirror or catch my reflection in a window…all I see is an aging woman who I just don’t recognise.
I was trying to think the other day of the positives of getting old….?

Experience to handle life?
Memories to cherish
Ability to help younger people develop and grow
Family and extended family
More comfortable in your own skin

Maybe because it is one of those days! (I need our Widows Quest Support Group Meeting this Friday) but then I thought …read more

I was speaking to a widow a couple of weeks ago who said “I wish i didn’t hurt so much”
I smiled and said “Did you love him?”
She answered “With all my heart”
I asked “Are you glad you shared your love with him?”
She smiled and said “I could never regret loving him”
So I turned and said “Then remember that hurt is based on love and to not hurt that much, then you wouldn’t have loved as much. Hurt is love seeping from your heart when it is grieving. Don’t fear it, don’t wish it wasn’t there…as it means you were lucky …read more

Loneliness can be so cruel. The sound of silence can be deafening. I think in grief, silence can be one of the loneliest times. In bereavement I think it is important to give yourself the chance to grieve, to cry, to weep but I also think we must guard against being alone in a silent house.
The silence can be a constant reminder of being on your own, it can be the reminder that you are now a widow or widower. Going out can often feel so alien and so frightening that it may not be an option to start with…I …read more

In the comments this week it is clear that we are all up and down a little at the moment. Remember I am no poet but here are my thoughts on courage
I dig deep inside just to find
That courage I know is hidden inside
That courage will mean I take a step each day
No matter how shaky, it’s at least on the way
To finding that peace which I crave to feel
As in falling in love, pain wasn’t part of the deal
So courage is hard but we have to dig deep
And find that smile, rather than weep
So one step at a time …read more

There is a saying that the first step is the hardest…I sometimes wonder if that is true in the bereavement process?
Why?
Because the first step isn’t often the one that helps start to heal the broken heart…in itself. Of course the first time going out, the first time you meet someone, the first time you go on holiday, the first anniversary are all hard…I don’t dispute that at all. However often the first step is surrounded by friends, often the first step is understood by all as a difficult step for a widow or widower.
But following that you have to start …read more