I start to smile and start to think

That I am moving forward from the brink

Then something small happens to me

And that step forward I can no longer see

My belief that was shaky starts to drain

As the demons rear their heads inside my brain

One step forward and then two back for eternity

Yes, I know this is what grief will continue to be

A rollercoaster ride of emotions for the rest of my life

Now that I am a widow and not somebodies wife

I will hold on strong and keeping taking that stride

Knowing that he will be watching with utmost pride

Because maybe our life together was not meant to be

But he saw something inside of me

So on those days that I feel teary and weak

I will remember those words that he would speak

“I will love you until the day I die”

And I sit down and think….so will I

Post from: Widows Quest

Waiting to die or

Waiting to live?

I always assumed death was the most fearful, after all once it happens who truly knows. That fear of the unknown I am sure has brought Nana back from the edge at least twice this week.

But then you look at the life of a widow or widower after bereavement. That lack of acceptance means that we don’t move on, living is as fearful to the survivor as often death can be to the dying.

In both situations the fear is based on the unknown – though I accept with faith this may not be true. But as I sit here now I realise that as long as it remains unknown…the fear will be there….if we take one step at a time to remove the unknown, well then the fear will eventually be engulfed through confidence and enjoyment

The question we need to ask is

‘Do we really want people to see us as waiting to live then waiting to die…or dying to live!’

Post from: Widows Quest

I had tears last night when I said to her “Its OK Nana, go to sleep…there is nothing to be afraid of Bronco (that is my nickname for my grandad) is waiting for you.”  The tears were recognition that I had to let her go, I had to help her through this final frontier…I had to help her face her fear. She had stayed with me during these last few days to help me face my fear…of living without her.

I am sat wondering what it must feel like to literally face death, that is when I wish that I did have faith. It is not that I don’t, it is just that I am not totally sure.

Death as a child was something I just didn’t understand, it was something that scared me….then because of suffering grief and seeing people die, I am not sure that it scares me. I think there comes a time when it must feel the time…and that comforts me because in the past I have always thought you must be scared.

I also wonder whether I can learn from that idea when it comes to widows….whether there comes a time when acceptance is a better alternative, a less frightening alternative to living in that pain. Maybe even now Nana is leading me through understanding grief….understanding that fear and living don’t go together, that holding on to the past is no way to live into the future.

Post from: Widows Quest

When I was coughing away, by myself this weekend, feeling sorry for myself that there was no one in the house just to look after me….(how old am I!) I started to think about connection. When we enter the world we are physically connected with our mothers…we depended on their nourishment in the womb, we depend on their milk, their support and security throughout our childhood.

When you think about it we are hard wired to connect, if we block that desire to connect then are we in the short term blocking the pain but in the long term harming our emotional health?

If we go without water we die…

If we go without food we die

If we go without love….does our soul die?

Post from: Widows Quest

I am sure an early night will suffice and I will be back fighting fit tomorrow….and of course I will rearrange the session.

I just want to give my heartfelt apologies….I so didn’t want to put my PC on but I couldn’t go to bed until I had said that I am so sorry…. I suppose just evidence of me talking my own advice….listen to your body!

Post from: Widows Quest

You can sign up, remember it is free of charge and easy to do!, at the Widows Quest Wiki Page.

It is one hour which I really look forward to as I hear from all of you of how you are coping and in some small way we can try and support each other like only widows and widowers can…..if you haven’t joined before, we would love to hear from you and it really is easy… all you have to do it

1) Go to our sign up page http://widowsquest.wetpaint.com/

2) Follow the instructions – basically there is a web link and a password!

3) When you are there just listen or join in as you see fit…..you will need a microphone to join in but don’t worry there is a chat function for those without microphones.

It is free, it is online, it is open and honest. ….and I have always felt better after speaking to you all!

Post from: Widows Quest

I was trying to think the other day of the positives of getting old….?

• Experience to handle life?
• Memories to cherish
• Ability to help younger people develop and grow
• Family and extended family
• More comfortable in your own skin

Maybe because it is one of those days! (I need our Widows Quest Support Group Meeting this Friday) but then I thought of all the negatives

• aches and pains
• understanding life so much better and having a lack of energy to live it!
• pains and scars of life on the heart

Am I just feeling low? Maybe and yet I always look in the mirror and wonder what really is that great about getting old….do you think more about your age being a widow or widower or is it just me?

Post from: Widows Quest

I was speaking to a widow a couple of weeks ago who said “I wish i didn’t hurt so much”

I smiled and said “Did you love him?”

She answered “With all my heart”

I asked “Are you glad you shared your love with him?”

She smiled and said “I could never regret loving him”

So I turned and said “Then remember that hurt is based on love and to not hurt that much, then you wouldn’t have loved as much. Hurt is love seeping from your heart when it is grieving. Don’t fear it, don’t wish it wasn’t there…as it means you were lucky in life because you were lucky in love.”

Post from: Widows Quest

The silence can be a constant reminder of being on your own, it can be the reminder that you are now a widow or widower. Going out can often feel so alien and so frightening that it may not be an option to start with…I understand that, as I am a griever who prefers to be away from people.

However, here are a few tips which I have used to fight off the silence

• Play music….I wake to music and go to bed with music.
• Play podcasts ….it gives me the sense of being part of the world, but in a safe environment – at home.
• Put the TV on….now I am not a TV watcher but I often have it on just to replace the silence.
• Make a phone call. You will probably know someone who is lonely themselves, or an older person who would just love to hear your voice.
• Sing! I know this sounds strange but singing – even as badly as I do – makes you feel happier.

Post from: Widows Quest

I dig deep inside just to find

That courage I know is hidden inside

That courage will mean I take a step each day

No matter how shaky, it’s at least on the way

To finding that peace which I crave to feel

As in falling in love, pain wasn’t part of the deal

So courage is hard but we have to dig deep

And find that smile, rather than weep

So one step at a time is what we can do

As the world needs more people…especially like you.

To all those people who have struggled in grief…dig deep, believe and understand there is a community here which understands.

Post from: Widows Quest