Widows Quest » widowers

The Footprints of Life

Anna Farmery — Sat, 05 Dec 2009 11:38:55 +0000

One sentence I have written at the end of the euology is about the fact “the footprints of Nana’s life won’t be washed away through the tide of grief“. When we live we are creating memories both for ourselves and those around us.

As widows or widowers, we have bad days or bad periods when we feel we cannot cope. How I look at it is this…..we have created footprints, for a time we were walking with our loved ones, so there were two sets working together….but

When they die as above – the footprints of their life won’t be washed away through the tide of grief, our memories will protect that
Remember we are still walking, forward through life. We are still creating those memories for those around us. Whether those memories for our family and friends are good or bad – well, that is up to us. If we stop forever protecting eventually we will get pulled away by the tide of grief….and for those around us that would be unbearable.

We have not stopped, we are just in the process of protecting those footprints from being washed away during grief. Once we have protected then we get the chance to moving forward, once again planting memories which inspire other people.

Post from: Widows Quest

In Death Life Goes On

Anna Farmery — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 20:23:43 +0000

The death of a loved one can really affect the way you view life.

Today I returned to work and as always felt that overpowering power of “What is the point?” Now I don’t say this for any other reason that if other widows or widowers are feeling that….well, that is normal.

Loss throws life into turmoil. Our loved ones are our rocks, our stabilizing factors in the turbulent sea of life. But you know instead of wallowing I immersed myself and tried to get back to some normality. I understand that it doesn’t feel right, it doesn’t feel as though it has any meaning…but it will.

When faced with grief we can either whither away or we can stand up for all the values that we shared with those people we have lost. Nana was a hard worker, she believed in working for everything you got….and today I stood by those values. Not because I wanted to…but because that is what she would have wanted.

And do you know at the end of today I have achieved something. I have cleared some work and most of all proved that life goes on. I have proved to myself that the more I try to love this world without her, the more I will. I have proved to myself that I am strong and resourceful and I am proud of that…

Grief can leave you numb….but deep inside we can find the strength to carry on….deep inside we know that life will never be the same but that life is precious and we should all treasure it.

Post from: Widows Quest

Be the change you want to see in the world

Anna Farmery — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 07:37:33 +0000

It was Gandhi who made this comment and do you know I feel it is as apt for widows and widowers as it is for people wanting to make societal or political change.

Readers know that I am on a constant roller coaster of emotion…that little old lady called grief manages to shake me to the core every now and then, just to remind me that overcoming a bereavement is hard. So just when it seems easier, just when I seem to be back in control of my own emotions….grief prods me to remind me that it is still there Nice of grief really!

If we do want to be that happy, fun loving person as Gandhi said…then we must BE that person. When we live like that person we trick our sub conscious into believing they are that person. Now the hard bit with grief which we need to recognize is that bad days will still come, that is for sure…and it is a test in our true desire to BE that person…because if we truly do…then we will accept the bad days and as soon as possible get back to BEING that person we want to BE in this world.

Post from: Widows Quest

Our Emotional Health

Anna Farmery — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 17:11:11 +0000

In grief we can isolate ourselves, in grief we can shut the world out, in grief as widows and widowers we can believe that we never want to fall in love again….

When I was coughing away, by myself this weekend, feeling sorry for myself that there was no one in the house just to look after me….(how old am I!) I started to think about connection. When we enter the world we are physically connected with our mothers…we depended on their nourishment in the womb, we depend on their milk, their support and security throughout our childhood.

When you think about it we are hard wired to connect, if we block that desire to connect then are we in the short term blocking the pain but in the long term harming our emotional health?

If we go without water we die…

If we go without food we die

If we go without love….does our soul die?

Post from: Widows Quest

The Idea of Widowhood

Anna Farmery — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 09:44:53 +0000

It always amazes me how the word widows or widowers often provokes an emotional response. You get the touch of the arm, maybe an embarrassed look or the one which I feel cringe worthy….”Oh I am sorry”

I understand the reaction because people feel the pain of loss, they know that bereavement is awful and they also know that there are no words which can take away that sense of loss.

However, when you think about it widowhood has some good signs..

It means you are one of the lucky people in the world who found their true love!
It means that you understand much more about the world and the world of emotion.

When I think about it – I would rather be a widow than someone who has never loved at all. But even as I write that…it makes me passionately want him back

Finally, if we are getting that reaction…maybe it is how we are saying the word. It is not a disease or something that we should be ashamed of…it is something happens, it is not our fault…it is not our curse….it is just a word.

Let’s be proud of having loved…

Post from: Widows Quest

It’s Good To Talk!

Anna Farmery — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 17:15:44 +0000

A final reminder for this month’s online Widows Quest support meeting. This is your chance to speak to other widows and widowers about how to cope with bereavement and that sense of numbness that only loss can make you feel. The session is online and totally free, not even a telephone call required. The session will be held on 9th August at 6pm New York time.

The session always inspires me as I hear from others how they are coping and how they are rebuilding their life. If you want to join in then here are the details

I give you a web page to log into…on the Widows Quest Wiki page.
You may need to download a small program – but this will be done automatically and takes a few seconds.
Then it will take you into a page where you can hear others speaking – you will see the Widows Quest blog on your screen.
If you want to join in then you will need a microphone but don’t worry if you haven’t got one, you can listen and join in via a chatbox on screen.
No cost just online friends who understand grief.

It would be great to get more people involved and have our first widower on the call - so hope you can join us there. If you are unsure or need any help then email me at anna@theengagingbrand.com

Post from: Widows Quest

Promise Yourself

Anna Farmery — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 11:28:52 +0000

I found this poem on a card which was sent to me a few years ago….hope it helps those widows and widowers who are struggling with their grief and loss.

Promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can
disturb your peace of mind.

To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to
every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel like there is
something in them.

To look at the sunny side of everything and make your
optimism come true.

To think only of the best, to work only for the best,
and expect only the best.

To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others
as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past and press on the
greater achievements of the future.

To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give
every living person you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself
that you have no time to criticize others.

To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, and too
strong for fear, and to happy to permit the
presence of trouble.

Post from: Widows Quest

Carnival of Positive Thinking

Anna Farmery — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 08:10:08 +0000

Each week I post articles to help widows and widowers cope with grief and think more positively about the future. Here is this weeks Carnival of Positive Thinking

Suzanne presents Happiness in 7 steps: Step 1 – I am OK as I am posted at Without Dash.

SmallTownSim presents Even when… posted at Joy’s Journey To Wellness, saying, “In the entry titled, “Even when…” The author shares the struggles she faces daily but allows us to witness her determination in dealing with each challenge.”

GP presents You Gotta Get Out of Your Kitchen « Musings from Montana posted at Manely Montana, saying, “Sometimes, you just have to get out of your own way.”

Russ Wood presents 6 Tips on How to Deal with Negative Thinking posted at Russ Wood, saying, “This article is more about personal development and dealing with negative thinking.”

Erin Pavlina presents 5 Good Ways to Ground Yourself posted at Erin Pavlina’s Blog, saying, “Have you ever heard someone talk about being grounded? Are you grounded? Or is your energy drifting off like a helium balloon in the sky? What does it even mean to be grounded and why is it important?”

Stephen Martile presents 9 Questions to Unlock Your Unique Abilities posted at FreedomEducation.ca by Stephen Martile, saying, “There are too many people in the world today doing crap they don’t enjoy. I used to be one of those people. By quietly contemplating a variety of questions in my life I began to see different sides of myself – and with this lens of reality I began to explore new opportunities.”

Anne Simone presents 100 Powerful Blogs for Your Self-Improvement posted at Online College.org.

Alvina Lopez presents 100 Inspirational Blog Posts for Personal Change posted at Online Bible College Degrees – Online Bible Colleges.

Outshined presents Food, Stress, and Anxiety posted at Personal Web Guide, saying, “This article discusses the direct correlation that your diet can have on your stress and anxiety levels. It’s something I’ve done a lot of personal experimentation with, having suffered from high amounts of anxiety for a good portion of my life. Throughout the article I discuss just how powerful your dietary choices can be in not only your physical state, but also in your mental and emotional states.”

Justin Hall presents
>What Defines a Man? posted at Justin Hall.

ChristianPF presents Overcoming the fear of failure posted at Money in the Bible | Christian Personal Finance Blog, saying, “These are some of the steps I took to overcome my fear of failure…”

Donald Latumahina presents A Simple Tip to Be More Productive posted at Life Optimizer.

Dragos Roua presents Positive Motivation Versus Negative Motivation posted at Dragos Roua – The Choice Of A Personal Path.

That concludes this edition. Submit your blog article to the next edition of positive thinking using our carnival submission form.

Post from: Widows Quest

Grief Cycle or Grief Position?

Anna Farmery — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 08:59:11 +0000

The grief cycle is often talked about and I was talking to someone yesterday about the various stages of grief. During the conversation we started to think that there is also a different way of looking at the bereavement process – the grief position!

Stillness – you are so numb that you cannot move without really thinking about it.
Constant movement – this is when you have to plan the funeral and you are almost in a state of constant movement.
Laying down - when all the calls have stopped and you are on your own, you just lie there and cry.
Curled up – as the grief strikes you just cannot face the world, you lie like a baby seeking that love that you miss so much.
Huddled up like an old lady. This is when you are dragged out and about by people who want you to rejoin life. You don’t want to, you do it because you think you should or to please them. You can’t stand up straight as you feel naked to the world – naked to all the emotion and often pity.
Stand up tall – this is when you have learned to cope a little better, you know that you can never change what has happened and are starting to face the world again.
Dancing – you have made it…through the grief and back to happiness!

I wonder whether our conversation strikes a chord with any widows or widowers out there!

Post from: Widows Quest

Carnival of Positive Thinking

Anna Farmery — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 18:58:56 +0000

Here are this weeks articles to help widows and widowers through their grief

PaulWill presents Part 1 – The Journey posted at Can Haz Fitness?, saying, “A article about a journey into positivity and changing your life for the better.”

Britannica Blog presents The Curse of the Talking Heads: Where?s Humility and a Sense of Fallibility? posted at Britannica Blog, saying, “As we all take our daily dose of the ceaseless media-borne battle and prattle among liberals and conservatives and their several subsects (their labels beginning with “paleo-“ or “neo-“ or, more often, and depending on which media outlet you favor, some execration or profanity), a whiff of sanity becomes ever more a precious respite.”

SmallTownSim presents What stands up- sometimes falls down posted at Joy’s Journey To Wellness, saying, “JJ2W is an on-going journal that shares the ups, downs, disappointments and victories of living with chronic pain/illness. Filled with candor and humor; Joy definitely shares the best of herself.”

GP presents Lessons Dad Still Teaches Me « Musings from Montana posted at Manely Montana, saying, “Lessons my dad still teaches me”

Aparna presents Common sense posted at Beauty and Personality Grooming.

notyourmotherscrazy presents Tip of the Week: Find your people posted at Not Your Mother’s Crazy, saying, “My blog is about navigating through the chaos. It’s my way to give people what I never had: I handbook on how to find your happy.”

Vincent presents How To Eliminate Mediocrity From Your Life posted at Hit Your Goals.

Joshua Dodson presents When does inspiration hit? posted at Writers Community.

Positive Present presents 3 simple steps for conquering unhappiness posted at positively present.

Srinivas Rao presents The Power of Your S.M.I.L.E posted at The Skool of Life.

Shamelle presents Jumpstart Your Initiative, You Have Waited Long Enough posted at Enhance Life.

UnleashReality presents Off-Centre Ideas About Balance posted at Unleash Reality, saying, “‘Balance’ is one of the ‘personal development’ scene’s juiciest and most misunderstood terms”

Jon Beebe presents Manifesting Intentions Quickly posted at DevelopMinds.com Blog, saying, “The five most important aspects of manifesting your intentions quickly and effectively.”

Christopher X. Gerber presents Bad Habits posted at Experiment: Gerbus.

presents Characteristics of a Genius and How to Think Like a Genius posted at Home Life Weekly, saying, “Ever wanted to be a genius? Recent research found that geniuses share a certain personality traits characteristics.”

zenmasterben presents Happiness posted at zenmasterben.com.

DeMarcus presents Seven Steps to Being Your Best Self posted at Self Improvement Articles.

That concludes this edition. Submit your blog article to the next edition of positive thinking using our carnival submission form.

Post from: Widows Quest