“As woman cry and men attempt not to, letting them know that their mourning is a step toward the goal of healing will help a man feel more in control.”
Adelle Tilton
If you have experienced a loss, the odds are high that you know a man who is experiencing the same loss, perhaps your brother-in-law or your husband’s father. As you cry and mourn the death of your husband, you probably have seen the struggle that a man goes through when he is confronted by death. How can you help a man deal with grief and find the healing he needs?
The …read more

I want to introduce you all to a wonderful artist that understands grief. She is a soul-sister of mine; you know when you meet someone, and you know you have known each other somewhere, sometime before? That is the way it was with Noreen. We immediately found our place with each other. I can’t say enough about this lovely woman, her heart, her skill, and her art.
She wrote me this today, and gave me permission to reprint it. She has a wonderful and tangible way to comfort yourself when grief is present in your …read more

There are many ways to make a memorial quilt. It is something that appeals to widows; I know when I lost my husband, it took forever to get the clothes out of the closet. As Joan Didion would have said in her book, The Year of Magical Thinking, “He’s going to need them when he gets back.” Which of course gets into denial but that isn’t what we are talking about today.
Having a quilt made out of your husband’s clothes is like getting a hug from him. It is being snuggled in his arms and it …read more

That is a quote from one of my favorite movies of all time, “The Shipping News.” It is said twice in the film, both times by one character to another who is going through a traumatic time in their life. “Tea’s a good drink. It’ll keep you going,” when the world is falling apart.
My world isn’t falling apart, at least anymore, and I sincerely hope yours is not either. But I still have times that I need to comfort and nuture myself. Do you know that feeling? Probably you do.
Let’s all nuture …read more

How do you get up in the morning? Becoming a widow, changes your entire routine. At first, there is no routine and you are just struggling to get through one day and then the next day. But as time goes by, you realize you need a routine that works for you and your kids, if they are still young.
How do you wake up? Do you eek out every second you can via the snooze button on your alarm clock, then race around like crazy to get out the door on time? Do you barely make …read more

“What affects our body affects our minds and emotions and the reverse is just as true.” Adelle Tilton

Grief is something that affects the whole person. It may be the most powerful experience that any of us can go through for it affects us emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physically. After the death of a loved one, it is common for a bereaved person to experience physical issues.
It is important to remember that we are not separate units within ourselves. What affects our body affects our minds and emotions and the reverse is just as true. Here is a list of the …read more

I always associate my husband with 9-11. We watched the whole 9-11 thing together on television that awful morning in September. It affected him quite deeply. He and I were so moved by the stories we heard and we talked about all of the people who had lost a loved one.
I never dreamt six months later I would join the ranks of grieving widows.
When I found some support groups online, I met several 9-11 widows. Even though they achieved almost a “celebrity status,” which believe me was the last thing they wanted, they grieved …read more

“Everyone who has lost a loved one has a story. And they know it down to the finest detail. Just like you know yours. Do you realize the importance of your story?”Adelle Tilton

Your story. It is the single most important thing you have as you begin the grieving process. It is the event that caused your life to suddenly come to a halt and head off into a different direction. It is an event you had no control over and now it lives in you and dictates every step of the journey you are on.
Anyone who has lost their husband, …read more

Right after I was widowed, I bought every book on grief I could find.  I had this idea – if I bought all of the books and learned everything I could learn about grief, it wouldn’t hurt so much.  Bad idea – it cost me a lot of money and it still hurt. 
Oh, how desperately we seek to maintain control.
I still buy books on grief but now I have a rule – I don’t buy them very often, maybe two or three a year, and I don’t look for them to be anything more than a map to …read more

When people are confronted with a woman who is newly widowed (or even when it was several years ago), they have a hard time knowing what to say. Quite often, other people think the condition of “widowhood,” is contagious and they will avoid the new widow. There is an element of feeling, “If it can happen to you, it can happen to me.” If you are the friend of a woman who has lost her husband, try to slip away from that feeling.
This list from GriefWatch.com is very helpful in explaining what to say, and more importantly …read more