Talking to Children About Death
May 9, 2008 by Anna Farmery
Filed under Practical Tips on Grief
Bereavement is hard especially when you have children and need to try and cope with their feelings. It is so easy to think that they are OK as they hide their feelings and “appear fine” The Washington Post shares suggestions from the U.S. National Library of Medicine when talking to children about death:
- Keep your explanation honest, simple, and on a level that’s appropriate for the child’s age.
- Understand that death can cause fears and confusion in many children.
- Talk about it as openly as possible when they ask questions or if a situation occurs that requires you to discuss it.
- Talk about your feelings — fear, sadness, anger and anything else you feel. Show your child that the emotions they have are normal.
- Help children understand that they had nothing to do with the death. The person did not die because of something the children did, and they could not have prevented it from happening.
Children are so adept at hiding their feelings, I think because they don’t understand their feelings. Death is something new to them, it is in itself hard to explain….in our grief we must put time aside to talk to our children about what has happened, no matter how hard that is….how we help them come through this time, will shape the way they see the world in the future.
One of my first memories and most horrifying on the topic of death was at the funeral of my great grandmother.
My father was trying to help me find comfort in that she didn’t experience pain - but what he told me was far more damaging.
He told me she just went to sleep and didn’t wake up. That TERRIFIED me — I didn’t want to go to sleep for a LONG time after that.
People should also consider how kids will relate the information to their own lives.
Gayla
I sometimes wonder who we are making it easier for….us or the children? Death is a part of life and I think the more open we are, then the more that children can try and make sense of it. The important part is talking, explaining to the children. I also think that our relationship with the children benefits as we show honesty that they can rely upon. I was touched by your story as we constantly underestimate the power of words in our lives….