Tears, They Have a Mind of Their Own

As you know it was the anniversary of Dad’s death last week, Mum coped really well. I phoned her on the night and she was really cheerful, laughing with my Aunt. She said, “Oh Anna, this one date is no more important than all the other days in the year. I miss him every day.”Then last night, I phoned her to hear great sobbing at the other end of the phone. She had been away at my Aunt’s last week and that I believe that had helped her cope with the annivesary. When she returned home, she was engulfed with loneliness, depression and an all encompassing grief.  Whilst that seemed totally normal to me, I was hit by something my mum said

“I should be able to cope, it has been 5 years. This is silly, why am I crying and why do I feel that I cannot cope?”

Gosh we have all been there. I said to mum, far from being “silly” it was absolutely normal. I encourage her to see this as her heart taking a few hours to remember Dad. The rest of the year, it copes without the everyday interaction with Dad’s heart. It has learned to cope with the pain, it has learned to heal the wound of grief. The least we can do, is allow it to have a day when it can cry, when it can remember the love and remember the loss. That doesn’t mean to say that it is breaking forever, it doesn’t mean to say that it is weak….far from it, it means that it is a living heart that has not lost the capacity to love.If you are struggling from an anniversary of a death, or even a break up of a long term relationship, remember there is nothing wrong in letting those tears flow, there is nothing wrong in feeling the pain. Then once you have allowed your heart to grieve, find those way that will brighten that heart again to cope with the next year. The mixing with family, friends and also the setting of little targets for it to aim for…Our hearts sometimes need us to be supportive and strong for it…..too 

[istockphoto]