The Acceptable Day of Grief
November 6, 2009 by Anna Farmery
Filed under Grief
Anniversaries of losing someone is strange.
- Why is any day any more important than any other…when missing someone?
- Time in some ways helps you cope with anniversaries but never takes away the pain.
I also find that the biggest benefit is that other people give you space, they understand that you may not be 100%, they accept more easily that you are grieving.
The rest of the time although you clearly will never get over the pain, people who don’t understand grief think that you should be progressing back to …what would you say ‘normality’? Mind you that then begs the question what is normal anyway 
Somehow on an anniversary which in many ways to the widow and widower is just another day of heartache…the world stops judging you and allows you to grieve….they send cards, maybe ring, give you a hug….
In a way this seems harsh and yet I think the world is right…if the world constantly tiptoes round us then we will never get through the grief cycle?
How do you feel about anniversaries?
There is no acceptable day to grief.. Grief is normal and you have the right to grief anywhere and anytime. The only thing is that you should make sure you don’t hurt others emotions while grieving.
In my life I am not sure others know the “anniversaries” since I relocated and those that do seem to not want to mention them, so I am left alone to deal with them mostly. This last Saturday I drove the four hours with a friend and visited the grave for the first time with the stone in place, I again realized how much I am not a cemetary person and how much Dave is with me always, everyday and the pain is really no different no matter where I am or what day.
Deb
I agree with you both…grieving is every day and in every way. With your comments I think now I mean “I somehow feel people see it as acceptable” when in reality…friends always see it as understandable but they also have to enjoy their lives.
I grieve every day..but I also still love every day…on the good days the love keeps me warm, on the bad the grief takes hold. As times goes by…the love doesn’t rescind it keeps me warmer…as I embrace it
Anna