The Nights are Hard
January 23, 2009 by Anna Farmery
Filed under Comfort Yourself
As you all know I am trying to stay positive and have been working hard on what i have in my life rather than what I have lost, however this month sleeping has been a real issue. Have you had those times when your brain just won’t switch off, when no matter what you do your mind starts thinking about problems or times that you miss?
I have tried having a bath before bedtime, cutting out the caffeine, getting into a routine yet nothing seems to be working – what do you do ? I am so tired at the moment and would love to get the advice of the Widows Quest community….
I am not a widow but have lost a child and know how hard it can be to get to sleep. I have found that when you go to bed that concentrating on your breathing can help (…like…breath in 1 2 3 , breath out 1 2 3), it keeps your mind occupied and helps block other thoughts. Hope this helps.
Well Anna I have not solved this problem 100% but it is much better than it was and I usually get 4-5 hours most nights. I for one thing am trying hard to do 30 minutes minimum of physical activity, get myself sweating, usually in the morning. I have started reading some “spritual” readings at night before I go to bed instead of my usual novels, I shut-off everything and it is quiet and I read, at present it is In The Eye of the Storm by Max Lucado and I have others that are more daily devotionals, it seems to calm me and to chase away all the sadness. I had done a gratitude journal at night for years and have gone back to that also, I just try to have positive thoughts and relax. There are nights when nothing helps, nights when the nightmares of his illness return but slowly becoming less often. I hope you find what will work for you and SOON!
Deb that is so funny as it is 1.21 am and tried hard to get to sleep but cannot switch my mind off so logged on just to see whats going on and there is your comment! Do you know I am normally quite a good sleeper it just seems my brain won’t switch off….I think that I am trying so hard on the positive side that my brain is working overtime all the time
Maybe there was an upside to the downside!
I was 31 years old when my husband, my soulmate was killed; I am now 41. He was in London when it happened and in the aftermath I had to call London first thing in the morning to speak with the US Embassy, Coroner, etc. to coordinate “his” return ….. translation… 4AM calls NYC time. It’s 10 years later and still, I often wake up at around 4AM regardless of what time I’ve gone to bed. Several things will help depending on how you’re feeling at the time. I don’t have the answers … 10 years later and at times I’m still a mess; but If you’re angry scream, if you’re sad cry, if you feel everything at once, do all of the above and write it down in a journal or on a random scrap of paper. Read back what you write, validate your feelings and don’t hold back. Letting go for even one night is worth it.
Wanda
Oh gosh my heart goes out to you, I have no idea what that must feel like – I was there when he died and that felt awful, yet comforting because I could hold him. I agree with your words, I think I need to scream more! I think I hold in a lot, so I will try letting more of the emotions out. Thank you!