The Widows Quest Grief Recipe for Coping
July 29, 2008 by Anna Farmery
Filed under Affirmations of Life
I was wondering whether we could come up with a recipe for grief, for protecting that little old heart of ours from the pain of bereavement and losing the love of our lives? Here is my starter for 10, feel free to leave a comment on anything that may be missing
Our Grief Recipe
1 Hug per day
1 Box of Tissues to let the pain out
2 Pairs of Ears to listen without judgement
Several gasps of fresh air each day
1 Cushion to hold through the night
10 Photo albums to keep the memories alive
2 Smiles from people who care each day
1 Hope or wish – that one day we will learn to live again
I suggest that these are all mixed together thoroughly, baked in a nice warm friendship and then served whenever our hearts need them
I found that I could not cope after losing my wife alone, so I consulted a Pharmacist and I purchased two key elements which worked wonders. First, St John’s Wort by VitaScience, secondly, Digestive Aid by Blackmores. These two products relieved the stress & panic attacks, the indigestion & heartburn and helped bring a resolve to me that I could cope through my ordeal.Prior to these tablets, I suffered immensely and I would like to suggest that people look to other forms of medicines other than your local GP. Give yourself time to adapt and most importantly, find closure in your heart and let your loved one go. This will help you move forward.Remember them well.
Frank thank you for your tips. You are right there is often something in built into our brains that says we must cope on our own, otherwise we are weak. However grief affects the body in so many ways and natural health products can really help. I am on digestive tablets as well – i found that I held my stress in my tummy, I didn’t cry so my body had to hold that pain somewhere…
I googled the word “Widow” and came upon your website. I lost my husband 3 years ago this month and this has been the most intensely emotional year. Is it that reality is setting in? I thought my life would get better, and it is the opposite. I feel a part of myself is moving on — but I am grieving this “moving on.” Please tell me if this is normal. I feel better when I am busy, but lately I have been too tired to stay busy. Grieving is tiring! I was married for almost 50 years, so I suppose I am still at the beginning of my new journey into being just me. Thanks for reading.
Jan – glad you can join us and you have found a group of people who truly understand and will support you through your grief.
I will post my thoughts on todays post for you
I’m widowed 18 months and I miss my spouse so very much. I’m doing craft projects in his memory. It keeps my mind occupied. I’ll donate the finished items to a charitable cause. His memory will live on and help others at the same time.
Lynn – what a great way of turning an awful event into something that provides value to others. I think that is key – our minds will run riot if we let them, keeping our minds busy helps stop the negative thoughts but also creates new experiences that hopefully are more positive.
Grieving is all a part of what we’re supposed to do when tragedy strikes. It is a part of our being human that triggers this response.How we cope is not entirely left to us to decide.There are caring people in the world,even those who you may have thought didn’t care about you, are only just around the corner and they will come to you and help you through your pain. What is important for all of us to remember in every day of our lives, is the value our loved one’s left behind for others who will never forget their actions and deeds.If we can associate our emotions to the wonderful legacies that were created, that in itself, gives us the strength to fight our demons and restore some normality back into our lives. The pain we feel inside is brought on by sudden impact of loss.It is natural, though hard to wean out of system because we are in the transition stage of mourning.We have to embrace our emotions positively and ask ourselves where we can go from here. Create a road map and plot out your thoughts or simply write them down.Cross off what you were able to achieve day by day and soon, you’ll notice that in your personal strength, you have the will & courage to move on. Interact with others, do not corner yourself and lock the world out from your life.Be flexible and look at what you can contribute to others who need support. If you’re online & reading this, use the Internet and eek out resources that will drive your passion forward. Within no time to next, you’ll be amazed at how much of you the world needs. As a starter, I will recommend(http://petey.heartheirstories.com).Read, Listen & Apply all that you possess within you and your loved one’s will be guiding you through every decision you make.God Bless.
Hi, as i am 22 years old and single i cant say i understand your situations, but i have an old aunt who recently lost her husband and seeing her grief i was cimpelled to try to find means of helping her cope. I came upon your site by chance, but the recipe mentioned above seems absolutely beautiful and i cant wait to give it to my aunt and hopefully see one of her rare smiles. Big hugs to everyone here because you truely know the meaning of love and being loved, a quest i wish to accomplish one day. Best wishes, Surabhi
Thank you Surabhi. If we can help her in any way just let us know, we are a community who just want to help others come to terms with their feelings and hopefully show that there is hope….You know the best thing you can do is just to be there, expect nothing from her…..just listen and show her that she is not alone x
I constantly struggle with depression,loneliness and fear. I have been taking anxiety pills,I have had panic attacks and fear. I started taking half a pill and know I have not been taking them. The thing that has helped me in the loss of my husband is my daily devotions and prayer time. It has helped me these seven years and the Lord is my strength,my help,he loves me and cares for me.
Naomi – I so envy people who have faith, it isn’t that I don’t I just don’t always. it must give you so much strength
After doing a search I came upon your site and read some of the comments.
I too lost my husband last July in a tragic vehicle accident. I have never felt such loneliness and fear. I feel so abandoned. I had just lost my aunt the month before to cancer. She had been more like a mother to me all my life than just an aunt. Then, three weeks after my husband, one of our best friends died with cancer. His family and our family had raised our children together, gone on vacations together, etc. So last summer was a living nightmare for me.
I try and do devotionals and bible reading but my mind will just not stay focused long on anything. I work and maybe that helps but I make mistakes and am very forgetful. There is no normal anymore. I used to like to talk and laugh. I never met a stranger. Now, I am totally different. I just want to close myself off from people, do my job, go home and have people leave me alone. I have two children but they have their families. I have no one anymore.
Liz – I totally understand that feeling. I think what helped me was to set myself some goals on a daily basis. Don’t laugh but mine were initially get up, get a shower….I then started to set myself goals that were about the future and rebuilding that faith in life. One goal – which I hated as I wanted to be alone – was to speak to a friend a day…because I knew that I had to rejoin the world. Another was to give back to the world. I understood the pain of loss so started to visit a hospice….and help others. It is a trite phrase but it is about small steps each day, and then one day it becomes slightly easier. Have a look through my posts and hopefully you will be able to relate and also gain some strength that eventually you learn to cope. My thoughts are truly with you xx