The Widows Voice
June 8, 2009 by Anna Farmery
Filed under Grief
Last Friday we held our monthly widows support group on the internet and I have to say it was wonderful. On Friday I was not down but feeling a little numb, grief does that every now and again to you, but when I heard the voices of other widows suddenly I felt warmth, I felt energised, I suppose I felt …well, not alone!
So what did I take from the hour we spent talking about our grief, our fears and our hopes for the future?
- The difficult balance we all face between holding on to memories and letting go of the past.
- The importance of family and friends.
- How grief can be hard on us physically but even harder on our subconscious.
- How plans can help you focus on the future
Our conversation gave me much to think about, and I will post more about it during the week. My hope is that we can grow the widows quest support group and help others to get through their bereavement.
Anna, it was wonderful taking part in the support group on Friday evening. As you said, it leaves me feeling hopeful and energized. I hope that more widows and widowers decide to join us next time. It would be wonderful to hear their stories and how they are coping. As I said on Friday, people need other people. Thanks for arranging these talks, Anna. I am looking forward to the next one.
Love to all,
Leslie
dear leslie
I lost my wife in her sleep a year ago today she was not even ill it was just sudden what a shock it was for me….i have been heartbroken since dragging myself tho the days..we where married for 36 yrs and i knew her for 41 yrs its her anerversary next mon the 15th it was fathers day but this year its the 21st all this week i have been so upset and all its reminders flooding back to me …..you talk about support groups is there any in the manchester area that you know of ?? i would be very greatfle if you could let me know ??
john
John, I am so sorry for your loss. Nobody knows better what it feels like to lose a spouse than those who have been through it. The support group we are referring to is our online support group. Anna has set this up so that we can talk to one another once a month online. I am in Canada and others are in the U.S and of course Anna is in England. Keep reading Widows Quest and Anna will tell us all when the next chat will be. I’m sure I speak for everyone when I say we would love to have you join us.
Oh John we would love you to join the group…we talk, we help each other. It is easy, I send a link to a website and we can all hear each other…I have posted about it today.
Nothing prepares you for grief but if you read through the blog you will maybe find tips that have helped me approach each day…would be wonderful for you to join us next month?
It was wonderful hearing your voice, Leslie! Missed you, Deb! Hope you’ll be able to join us next time. I was thinking that we shared a lot of laughter, and I know that it’s sometimes hard to imagine laughing after you’ve lost your spouse. Will people think I don’t care if I smile or joke? So for those in the early stages of bereavement, please know that finding joy in life is indeed possible. My husband Michael loved to laugh, and he made me laugh every day. He was great at making a joke and being the joke. I feel when I express happiness outwardly that I’m continuing Michael’s love of life.
Mary, Leslie and Anna I am so sorry to have missed the call, wanted to be there but what little “real” life I have right now has to take precedent. My five year old nephew was a joy to have last week and kept the “one year ago” todays a bit farther away. Today I had my oral surgery and it hit me so hard last night and this AM that I am without him, he always made fun of my worries and was just there for me. My BIL took me and has been just great but it is not the same, I have been so teary eyed the last 24 hours and I know it is just another wave of “he isn’t here” and it will pass. I am looking forward to my trip to Nova Scotia, if not the 1st anniversary. Leslie I am glad you did well with yours and have so much family to celebrate your husbands life with. Mary I do try to find joy daily in the little things and Dave also made me laugh…from making up words when he couldn’t think of the right one, to just jokes, I try to not be afraid to laugh. I hope to make the connection next month and “hear” all of you. Anna, you are still a bearer and writer of strength that I need, thank you for being there.
hello,to you all ,Im new at using the computer so it was by chance i read your letters.Im taking this oppuinity to say how loving and careing you all sound.My husband of 40yrs died 1yr and 1month ago and i agree with everthing positive your saying Ive been blessed with avery happy life a loverly family .and lots of common sense which have all helpt to take each day as it comes in the early months everyhour,now i have more energyand would like to make plans ¡soon¡its been really reading your letters i hope to find you all again,its more than iffffy kindest regards to you all maggie
Maggie it is great to see you here…a year…gosh my heart goes out to you. Maybe you might make our online session in July ? It would be great to hear your story.
How are you coping? What is your biggest hurt at the moment?
I am lost and found all at the same time…I lost my husband almost 9 months ago and sometimes the pain is so unbearable that I physically feel ill…I’m sure if you’re reading this it probably means you know how that feels. My husband and I actually started dating while he was having his “first” round of Chemo, we married one week before he had 75% of his liver removed, our honeymoon was in the private room at the ICU. We became grandparents just a little less then 3 yrs before his passing…
What I found??? I am not alone, though I may feel it! So many, like those who’s notes I have read here are feeling similar feelings.
My husband died 1yr 6months ago. I can’t tell you how uneasy i have felt during this time. I have gone from being extremely confident to amazingly insure trying to keep everything together. My step daughters haven’t made contact with me since January of last year and it seemed to become like a smash and grab situation when they did come to the house. I think they were expecting everything to be dissolved after my husband died. I am slowly started to feel comfortable with myself again. Learning how to live alone has been a challenge.
I have started to slip up with paying the bills and that was not like me before.
I have also gone thru an amazing amount of jobs in the last year. And my Daughter convinced me to go to the Doctors and start on some meds to try and help me get myself together again. Today I feel pretty good. I have so may memories of my Husband that I think of him constantly in the smallest of details. That is slowly starting to slow down. I just dont have tha happiness that I used to have and I think My daughters notice that and at times I feel uncomfortable that I don’t have that extra pizzazz that I used to have and I worry that maybe i’m depressing them as well. I am waiting on a new job that may breathe some new life into me. That all for now….. Ann