Their Love and Life Lives On
January 2, 2008 by Anna Farmery
Filed under Bereavement and Children
Mum spent New Years Eve with me as she normally does since Dad died. Normally, about 10pm she disappears to her bedroom for a few tears….and I give her a few moments then go and give her a hug. However, this year…a little sadness in the eyes but no tears. I said to her, that I was proud of how she continues to cope….
She said that the pain never goes away but your heart learns to cope with the pain…and then she said something that really touched me. “Anyway, whilst you are alive your dad is alive…I see him in your eyes, in your heart and in everything you
do”
Many people do not have the gift of children but for those who do, the legacy of your loved one’s life will always live on …“in your childrens eyes and in your childrens hearts”
Today my daughter would have been 24. It’s been almost 7 years since I got to hug her. I miss her hugs so much, she gave the best hugs, you know the kind that really embrace you and lets you feel the love in her heart.
Today I am especially missing her hugs, her laughter, her sparkling blue eyes, her funny antics, I guess Im just plain missing her and there is nothing I can do but hold on to every thought and every memory.
Her father left when she was 2, and my two girls and I made a life all these years together along with my parents. I saw no need to have them get used to a step father, we were complete just the way we were.
But like Anna’s mother, I see parts of Jill in my older daughter, her sense of humor, I see her in my daddy, always ready for a good prank, and I see her in my Mother in many, many ways that are too numerous to write.
Jill was the best parts of all of us. We were blessed to have her in our lives.
I wonder often that when there are so many children that are sick and will not get to see their next birthday, and they are trying so hard just to live, and then there are those of us who are ready to go, yet God doesn’t seem to do trade outs.
When I think of all the mothers who have had to bury a child, I just wish God could talk all their hurt and heartache and put it on me.
I’m already broken with an emptiness that cant be filled. If I could spare one mother the agony that losing a child brings and the ways it forever changes your life, I’d gladly take all of them if I could. I’d trade places with any of those children in hopes that they could have a full life filled with all the wonders God has in store.
But God doesn’t work like that, and I am still here, numb and empty, wondering what an I supposed to do now.
What am I supposed to do now?
A greiving heart
Jackie
I am not sure a virtual hug goes anyway to easing the hurt but here it is ….hug….. I cannot imagine what it is like to bury a child, it seems just the most unnatural part of the cycle of life. I too would share the pain if I could stop that from happening to anybody else.
The way I get through an anniversary, is to wear that old jumper that seems to hug me. I often have a few close friends round and have a meal that he would have loved. I try and embrace him on that day. Does it help? Well I know it will hurt whichever way, so I try and if you like talk about him more and get friends who will laugh about the stories.
One thing that I wonder will help…is you obviously cannot bring her back…but maybe you could use the experience to help others? Maybe a child bereavement support club or children charity. Somehow use your pain to help others, maybe by helping others you will feel that something good comes out of it?
Today though let the grief come through….is there somewhere you used to go together like a coffee shop or something….remember her with love.
Not sure any of these words will help at all…but maybe they show that you are not alone, you are being thought of….and we share your pain Anna x
Dear Jackie,
I’m sending you a virtual hug. I know it’s not enough, because it’s so unfair that you’ve lost Jill. Sometimes it isn’t enough to hold her spirit in your heart. Your heart just aches.
You have so much love in you that I can feel it by reading your words. You’ve got a healing power that is meant to be shared with the world. You’ve got a very compassionate heart.
Take care,
Mary