Tomorrow is……
December 4, 2008 by Anna Farmery
Filed under Grief, Loneliness, Guilt & Depression
Tonight is one of those nights, I feel all right, yet I just don’t want to go to bed…do you know the kind I mean? I somehow fear going to be ….alone. I keep staring at photo’s, at web pages not knowing what I am looking for but knowing that as tired as I am I don’t want to go close my eyes.
I hope that by sharing my feelings, I may help other widows or widowers who feel alone tonight, because in our loneliness we may find solitude together. And also as numb as I feel tonight, the one thing that I have not lost is that sense of hope that each day I cope with the grief, I am one step nearer from finding that happiness again. 
In films they may say..tomorrow is another day, but in grief I think we need to say
Tomorrow is another step….
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Anna, I know exactly what you mean. I have had many nights like you describe. I have found that bringing my little Jack Russell, Bailey, to bed with me helps. This is really funny because my husband would never have allowed her in the bed with us. I often wonder what he must be thinking if he can see Bailey sleeping there with me. I bet he would be happy that she helps me feel a little less lonely at night.
I also believe, like you, that every day is another step towards happiness. I have said here before that I am determined to be happy and knowing that you are all out there just encourages me to take those steps.
My widows and widowers group wrapped up today. We had a party and got to know each other better. There are some wonderful and interesting people in the group. I have invited them to my home for a get together before Christmas. There is nothing like sharing with people who understand where you are coming from. I am really looking forward to welcoming these new found friends to my home. If any of you are wondering about joining a group like this, I say “Go for it”.
Take advantage of anything your community offers to help. I think most communities have such groups. They are wonderful.
Leslie thank you…funny I took my cats to bed last night and just cuddled them. Pets are great for giving unconditional love aren’t they…
What a wonderful idea of the christmas get together, especially as the holiday period is one of the hardest. Have you talked at the group about how each of you will cope this year ?
Yes, Anna. We have talked about coping over the holidays this year. Yesterday we learned great deal about each other that we didn’t know before. Everyone seemed ready to share feelings. I think many people are going to keep celebrations to a minimum but be with family and friends. One lady is seeing her family before Christmas for a family dinner. Then she is taking a trip over Christmas. Personally, I couldn’t be away from my grandchildren at Christmas but everyone has their way of coping. I am going to be staying at my daughter’s home on Christmas Eve and Christmas night. Her boys are very happy about that and it feels so good to be valued like that by my grandchildren. I am very lucky.
Sounds daft but I just wanted to make sure you were not going to be alone otherwise I would have phoned you just to show that there are people who care…..pity we can’t have a virtual Xmas dinner for us all!!
Leslie,
I chuckled when you mentioned allowing Bailey on the bed with you. I have a cat named Domi, and Michael was the disciplinarian. I’m too much of a push over. When we moved into our condo, Michael wanted some cat-free zones. Dom wasn’t allowed on the bed or in the study. Of course, the cat sleeps with me now and is often at my feet in the study. Michael is probably smiling ruefully or throwing up his hands in exasperation.
Anna, dear Anna, I hope you feel better today. What a coincidence. I stayed up until 7 a.m. !Today is my day off, but I kept thinking of my co-workers getting ready to go work. Somehow I got enough rest, and I actually feel refreshed.
Maybe someday we could plan a real life get-together. It would be nice to be able to give an actual hug to our virtual friends.
Anna, you are a wonderful, caring person. Thank you so much for your concern.
Anna and Mary and everyone else out there, I think it would be wonderful if we could all someday meet. Maybe it will happen someday. I know I’d be there with bells on.
I think that would be a wonderful idea, maybe I will look at putting on a video meeting next year. I don’t know about all of you but I feel this is my friends coffee morning….with friends that I can 100% trust with my feelings..that feels very special
I just wanted to comment on the beautiful post about the would-be suicide. I agree that we must somehow find meaning in life, but please know that there are those of us (well, at least there is ONE…me!) who live in very isolated places, who have no family or friends…and who are desperate in their sorrow. No resources, no insurance, cannot just “get help” you know?
Thanks for listening.
Maureen, I fully understand and that is why I shared my story. I don’t want to give the impression that it has been an easy journey, it definitely hasn’t….You have to find something to live for, for me it was the fear of death.
I also pulled on support groups within the community who were a massive help…..and even telephone helplines anything to get me through each day at a time. I hope that through widows quest it can provide some support as well for people out there, because no one should ever feel alone