It was Gandhi who made this comment and do you know I feel it is as apt for widows and widowers as it is for people wanting to make societal or political change.
Readers know that I am on a constant roller coaster of emotion…that little old lady called grief manages to shake me to the core every now and then, just to remind me that overcoming a bereavement is hard. So just when it seems easier, just when I seem to be back in control of my own emotions….grief prods me to remind me that it is still there …read more

Oh dear I have slipped today, after such a good week – but hey isn’t that what grieving is all about?
This week is such a bad week for me I need to be in 3 places at once, most days and I am feeling totally out of control. I wish that I didn’t have to balance so many competing things….
When you get out of control, doesn’t it feel so depressing? You start to feel as though no one values YOU, that you seem to spend your life pleasing other people, accommodating other people…but who is there now for YOU? (Widows …read more

Walking in town today, I looked at the wonderful shades of the trees and thought how nature has this fabulous way of defining moods, defining life, defining change….through shades.
Grief should be based on fact in a way. It is based on a factual happening – that person you love has died. Yet, grief is not matter of fact, grief is not an exact science….grief is all the shades of autumn.
Bereavement and that sense of loss stirs emotions which are on a full spectrum of pain, and those leaves I looked at today almost reflected the rainbow of grief.

The vibrant reds …read more

I feel very lucky to have a wonderful mum. There is nothing like the unconditional love of a mother, no matter how many times I screw up, she is there just loving me for who I am…..and I think hoping I may learn from one or two of my mistakes!Anyway my mum sent me a fabulous email full of phrases to lighten your day and I thought that I would share some of them with you. Some of them made me smile, some made me think and others made me sit up and listen…..here are the phrases

“Heal the past, love …read more

One speaker who I love hearing is Zig Ziglar. He is so uplifting, human and also humourous with his personal stories. He is one of the true great motivational speakers.
A while ago he was injured and I suppose it was a huge test of all the beliefs which he had talked about and shared over his life. He has written about this struggle in EMBRACE THE STRUGGLE which is due out later this month and I have already preordered.
Ziglar spreads positive thinking and practices and talks in the book about

Life takes care of itself to a very large degree, if …read more

Sometimes bereavement can affect the way you value yourself, it can make you feel less valued as your partner is no longer there telling you that they love you….
I know that if I am being truthful that I don’t really value me, I value others ALOT, actually too much as I always feel everyone is better than me in whatever way. I think that is what I miss most…that person who loves you unconditionally and sees the good in you and helps YOU see the good in YOU.
So a question for you today…Do you value who you are right now?
Do …read more

….something that grief can do to you. After all you were a couple and that was part of your identity…now you are on your own and you can face that fear of not believing in yourself.
Well a wise old lady once said to me “When you can’t believe in yourself Anna, believe in something bigger than yourself and happiness will follow”
I think this is an important concept. I think so often we can become insular and become too inward looking. That sounds harsh, and maybe that was just me! However, I seemed to obsess about my pain, about my fears, …read more

This week I talked about facing lost and know how easy it is to succumb to that feeling during grief. I then read this wonderful passage from Ralph Waldo Emerson and it struck me that if you are feeling lost then maybe this will give you a purpose – almost a pre made purpose for you to run with, to perfect later. It is called To Leave the World a Better Place
To laugh often and much;
to win the respect of
intelligent people and the
affection of children;
to earn the appreciation
of honest critics and endure
the betrayal of false friends.
To appreciate beauty;
to find the …read more

In grief there is this feeling of lacking control. Someone has taken the love of your life from you and thrown at you – money worries, loneliness, emptiness, lack of purpose, lack of energy etc
I remember feeling totally out of control and sensing that I didn’t know which way to turn. If I went out – I felt sad. If I stayed in  – I felt sad. I was suddenly one, or more specifically a two minus one. You know that feeling, the sense that although you are your own human being, part of your soul is missing. A couple …read more

I was speaking to a widow a couple of weeks ago who said “I wish i didn’t hurt so much”
I smiled and said “Did you love him?”
She answered “With all my heart”
I asked “Are you glad you shared your love with him?”
She smiled and said “I could never regret loving him”
So I turned and said “Then remember that hurt is based on love and to not hurt that much, then you wouldn’t have loved as much. Hurt is love seeping from your heart when it is grieving. Don’t fear it, don’t wish it wasn’t there…as it means you were lucky …read more