Past, Present, Future

Don’t get stuck in the past,
Where you linger on and on in familiarity,
And replay old memories over and over again.

Don’t overindulge in the future,
Where you daydream about leading a grand life endlessly,
And imagine the sweetest days you could ever live.

Don’t neglect your present,
Where true life begins to unfold and pass you by silently,
And you wonder about missed opportunities and lost moments.

For lessons, quietly contemplate about your past,
And you might realize life has cleverly placed you in situations,
That demanded you to raise up to the challenges and to grow.

To reduce your anxiety and panic attacks, make plans for your future,
And you might see that your dreams and goals are acting like guiding lights,
Shining the path for you to follow through and learning to overcome your fears.

To avoid the state of merely existing, be aware of your present,
And you might notice that you are part of a grander scheme,
Where the past is long gone and the future has yet to come,
And that your present is the most precious moment you could ever feel.

Your past and your future both lie in your present,
Where your present wields the power to influence and change,
The way you think about your past either with gratitude or with regret,
And shape your future to either a success or a failure.

Live totally in the present,
Enjoying each and every moment,
Where it is all happening,
Where it truly matters.

Copyright © 2006 Fion Lim. All rights reserved

Post from: Widows Quest

I am sure an early night will suffice and I will be back fighting fit tomorrow….and of course I will rearrange the session.

I just want to give my heartfelt apologies….I so didn’t want to put my PC on but I couldn’t go to bed until I had said that I am so sorry…. I suppose just evidence of me talking my own advice….listen to your body!

Post from: Widows Quest

You can sign up, remember it is free of charge and easy to do!, at the Widows Quest Wiki Page.

It is one hour which I really look forward to as I hear from all of you of how you are coping and in some small way we can try and support each other like only widows and widowers can…..if you haven’t joined before, we would love to hear from you and it really is easy… all you have to do it

1) Go to our sign up page http://widowsquest.wetpaint.com/

2) Follow the instructions – basically there is a web link and a password!

3) When you are there just listen or join in as you see fit…..you will need a microphone to join in but don’t worry there is a chat function for those without microphones.

It is free, it is online, it is open and honest. ….and I have always felt better after speaking to you all!

Post from: Widows Quest

I think one of the hardest parts of widowhood is that feeling of loneliness, that feeling of not know where to turn, that feeling of being lost, that feeling that no one REALLY understands the pain. That is the point of this support meeting.

It is free, it is online, it is open and honest. It is supportive and there to show you, you are not on your own. I would love for more of you to join in and here the positive stories, talk about your issues, feel the love and support of other readers…so please if you are free then join us all

Post from: Widows Quest

“After reading your post about music on Widows Quest, I would like to share a song with you. It is called “Still” and you can find it on my website: www.myspace.com/gerrithofsink

It’s the first one on the player. I wrote this song after our daughter had a stillborn son, their first child and our first grandchild.

Kind regards,

Gerrit”

I think you will all enjoy the music as well as the words which are so powerful – Gerrit thank you for sharing the song about grief and loss with us all at Widows Quest.

Post from: Widows Quest

Remember there is no cost…not even a telephone cost to these events. I let you know a web address and once there you can hear our voices….but we do need to set a date which is OK for all of us. Obviously we are all over the world so it can be difficult setting a time but if you want to join in then go to the Widows Quest wiki. You will find 4 suggestions, just leave your name underneath the times which you could make and then I will go with the most popular time

9th – 6pm New York time

11th – 2pm, or 5pm  New York time

16th – 6pm New York time

18th – 2pm, or 5pm  New York time

Post from: Widows Quest

Gosh even writing about it brings a lump to my throat. I idolised Dad and it still hurts that I could not stop that happening to him.

Anyway, (Anna pulls herself together!) I recorded an audio with Alvaro Fernandez about how to maintain a healthy brain, what it takes to help the brain remain strong. You can listen to The Engaging Brand podcast here.

If we are to get through grief we need to help our brain, I hope this helps you.

Post from: Widows Quest

I will organise one in October and would like to know what you would like

• To discuss
• In terms of timings and dates
• Whether you would like me to continue with them?

For those new to the blog what we do is to meet online, I use a package called GoToMeeting which means all you need is access to the internet as you can hear all our voices on the website. This way there are no costs, especially for international people.

My desire is that we help fight that loneliness and make new friends along the way but would love your thoughts?

Post from: Widows Quest

The Associated Press has just issued some interesting data on life expectancy.

• U.S. life expectancy has risen to a new high, now standing at nearly 78 years

• The increase is due mainly to falling death rates in almost all the leading causes of death. The average life expectancy for babies born in 2007 is nearly three months greater than for children born in 2006.

• The US continues to lag behind about 30 other countries in estimated life span. Japan has the longest life expectancy — 83 years for children born in 2007, according to the World Health Organization.

• The CDC report found that the number of deaths and the overall death rate dropped from 2006 — to about 760 deaths per 100,000 people from about 776. The death rate has been falling for eight straight years, and is half of what it was 60 years ago.

• Heart disease and cancer together are the cause of nearly half of U.S. fatalities. The death rate from heart disease dropped nearly 5 percent in 2007, and the cancer death rate fell nearly 2 percent, according to the report.

• The HIV death rate dropped 10 percent, the biggest one-year decline in 10 years.

• The diabetes death rate fell about 4 percent, allowing Alzheimer’s disease to surpass diabetes to become the sixth leading cause of death. Alzheimer’s has been climbing the death chart in recent years, though that may be partly because declines in other causes are enabling more people to live long enough to die from Alzheimer’s, Anderson said.

• The nation’s infant mortality rate rose slightly in 2007, to 6.77 infant deaths per 1,000 births, but the rise was not statistically significant. It has been at about the same level for several years.

The good news is that we tend to live long and healthy lives. The bad news is that we don’t know if we will be below, on or above average. The good news is that from suffering a bereavement we know how much we should value life, the bad news is that because of the grief that can be hard to do….

But we MUST keep on trying…

Post from: Widows Quest

When shock happens in our life, we have to learn how to cope and how to move on…hope this helps

“Almost 8 years later when emotional side effects should have generally decreased, the mental effects of the September 11^th attacks are still on the rise.  While effects of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) tend to last a few months and in serious cases years, Americans are seeing a spike in PTSD cases related to the 9/11 events.

In a collaborative study done by New York City’s Department of Health and Mental Hygiene and Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, numbers showed a 5% increase in people suffering from PTSD.  Typically PTSD symptoms lessen with time, so a large increase raises questions. The rise in numbers is seen not only in rescue workers but anyone affected by the attacks.

While PTSD symptoms are not controllable they are definitely treatable.  Chicagohealers.com Practitioner Martha Howard M.D. offers suggestions on how to relieve pressure from traumatic experiences through simple communication tactics.

• Keep a journal – Making notes about times when you have flashbacks or upsetting thoughts will help to determine specific triggers and memories.
• Talk openly – A common symptom of PTSD is to avoid talking about the traumatic experience.  Be open to talking about the situation with others, this will help you form an identity with the event.
• Join a support group – Many civilian disasters will have groups dedicated to coping with serious events.  Otherwise seek a group that deals with PTSD to hear how others are handling their symptoms.
• Expose yourself to the traumatic event – Slowly exposing yourself to the event will help you become desensitized to the aspects that cause PTSD.  Using photos or even recalling your personal experience can help with exposure.
• Be cautious of drug and alcohol consumption – People suffering from PTSD are more likely to abuse drugs and alcohol as a way of coping with the stress.

For more information, please visit www.chicagohealers.com.  If symptoms persist or worsen, please schedule an appointment with a mental health specialist.

Post from: Widows Quest