Gosh tonight feels…well numb. Physical and mental exhaustion has hit, there was me thinking sleep deprivation hadn’t affected me then …pow! Amazing isn’t it how our bodies just keep going through pure adrenaline.

Numb also because there is this huge void – my best friend for life is no longer here. You all know the feeling so well. Numb because I almost don’t want to feel the pain – as I know how much that hurts.

Numb as well as because for 11 days and nights Nana was my focus….so what can you focus on now? If you try and think then those final few images come into your head, if you don’t focus then you just sit and drift without purpose. Again I know you all understand….

I have her handkerchief which she held in hospital, I will hold that when I need to feel her love…and as always when we all lose people….we will never forget, love is an unbreakable bond which survives the toughest tests.

We may lose their bodies but we never lose their souls or their love. They live through our thoughts and actions which they helped shape through their time on earth.

Sleep well Kate, you were a special, special person. I was proud to know you, proud to call you my Nana and you and your spirit will stay in my heart forever…nighty, night

Post from: Widows Quest

• Amaze me at how the outpouring of grief over someone we didn’t know
• Amaze me at how the families cope when the worlds press is looking at them
• Amaze me that despite the many wishes to rest in peace, the world seems to not want to let them rest in peace!

I came across a compelling article in Time Magazine about The Top Celebrity Grave Sites. It shows the graves of celebrities such as Bob Marley, Princess Diana, Elvis Presley, Marilyn Monroe etc

It tells stories around their deaths but one stood out for me and that is Frank Sinatra whose tombstone reads

“The best is yet to come”

I think the greatest legacy we can bring to those who have passed away, be it those close to us or a celebrity….is to make the world  a better place for years to come…..

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It is strange, it is just a seat. A seat that Dad has never sat on and yet his spirit is there…he loved looking out to sea, he loved watching the world go by….

On the Sunday I was walking back from the town and I looked up and saw Mum sat on the seat. It was so lovely, you could feel that she felt close to Dad. I sat next to her and just felt the love of Dad there, watching over the two of us and making sure two of his three girls were OK.

I think it is special to have that place, that place to remember, that place to honour the memory of someone who was so dear to all…..

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Dad was a wonderful gentleman who is missed very much from our lives. The years go by since we lost him from our lives but I can tell you, he is never far from our minds.

I had the privilege – and it was a true privilege – to speak at the funeral on behalf of my mum. I wanted to share with you today a little of what I said

“…As he did fall asleep there were fireworks to be heard and seen outside the hospital as if the world was celebrating his life and saying a spectacular goodbye of their own. Somehow so fitting that a Dad who was humble in so many ways, left this world to such a glowing tribute.

It was driving my mum home that night that the answer to one of the world’s great riddles suddenly became clear…’Why on earth would any parent name their newborn son, Horstine??’

You see, I suddenly understood what gran and granddad had realised on 12 August 1924 – something that we would all see later…that the bundle of joy they held was no ordinary little fellow…this baby was going to be an extraordinary human being with an extraordinary love of people and deserved an extraordinary name. Somehow that name that had led him to have to explain it so many times, suddenly meant so much to me.

But he will and should be remembered for his gift for invention, and his incredible gift for relating to people. In a world full of stresses and strains my Dad had the ability to always find time for his colleagues, friends and family. He had a compassion for the underdog, always trying to help people and seeing the good in them. He just wanted to help anyone he touched the life of and for that Dad, I cannot tell you how proud your family are of you“

I know this is a long excerpt – and I won’t quote the whole of it, much to your relief I am sure! – but I wanted to remember Dad on this day.

Dad, I wasn’t the perfect daughter in so many ways but I love you, I miss you and of course each day I keep that promise of looking after that lady who stole your heart almost 50 years ago. Sleep well xx

Post from: Widows Quest

The worst part was that her body was never found, I remember taking the call to say that they couldn’t say she had died – as no body – just that she was not alive.

A memorial has opened today and it is a fitting tribute to these wonderful people who had done nothing wrong other than going about their ordinary lives. Prince Charles said today

“The creation of a monument or memorial fulfils … a deeper need, for each one offers a path to peace and healing, each one honours the dead and each reminds us to live our lives in a way that would make them proud.”

Events can be so cruel, I suppose that is life. The years go by and we all remember those people with the same love that we shared when they were so vibrantly alive.

Today is hard for all of us, but through it all I know that I am so glad that I had her in my life.

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“While there, we visited one of our family friends…Lucy. Lucy is amazing – 93, immaculately dressed, lives 6 months a year by herself in a caravan on the cliffs at Whitby, and never, ever stops smiling. She loves life and is living proof that a positive mind set keeps you young, and prolongs your life.

They say a positive attitude can add 7 years to your life – well, I am now going to call it the Lucy effect.

After just 10 minutes with Lucy I felt invigorated and felt happier. Wow, now that is a powerful gift you can give someone….imagine the power if Lucy was a leader. No matter what the issue – she is deaf, losing her beloved husband and has a pacemaker – she overcomes it because she is grateful of being alive every minute on this earth. Imagine, no matter what worries you have at work, feeling grateful for the chance to change the world, even in a small way. If you think about it you have this chance everyday you work, everyday you live…..spread the Lucy Effect and make this world a better place!”

Lucy – sleep well, thank you for bringing such sunshine to this world. Say Hi to Dad for me and just know we will miss you, but we will be eternally grateful for having you in our lives. x

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I could not help but think of all the untold stories, all the untold loves, all the maybe even all the untold lies that lay buried from the world. We spend so much of our lives worrying about one thing or another, yet if we could only live our lives in a way that we took nothing to the grave that brought worth to the world.

For instance, how many ideas lay dormant in those graves? How many wishes? How many hopes and dreams unfulfilled? Surely now we understand the finality of death we should ensure that our grave holds only the shell of a person who emptied their ideas and love on the world before leaving…..Happy Birthday Grandad, we still miss you xx

[istockphoto]

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I was intrigued by his story and asked if he could write some tips for us on how to create a memorial, he was good enough to send me these thoughts

1. Include basic biographical data such as date of birth, date of death, and use the formal full name of the departed in the memorial.

2. Choosing an image is an important aspect of the online memorial. Take time to select one that is appropriate and where they are the only person in the photo. It allows visitors to place a face to the name and gives the memorial a human element that sometimes words can’t do alone.

3. Provide a brief biography highlighting milestones and life events that had great impact on the departed’s life. It does not have to be particularly long, but it should be a good summary containing the key elements of the person’s life.

4. Be personal. Where many newspaper obituaries tend to be have a very formal and almost news like tone and feel to them, an online memorial is an opportunity to be a bit more personal. You should not ignore proper grammar or spelling, but an online memorial does not have to be so rigid as well. Injecting personal anecdotes, humor, and perspective makes the memorial special as it is written by someone who was close to the departed.

5. Share it with others. After you have finished writing the memorial, send it to other family and friends for them to contribute their own thoughts, memories and sympathies.  Co-workers, relatives and friends all had unique relationships with the departed and having them contribute to the memorial often brings out fascinating untold stories which gives a
real well-rounded account of the person’s life.

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I can remember feelings, I can remember places, I can remember events and yet I cannot remember his face. The only memory that I have is that of him dying in the hospital, it is as though my mind has blocked out any other memories I have….I thought with time they would return and yet no….they remain elusive.

At first I hated it, I wanted to remember the smile, the face, they eyes….and now I wonder whether it is a good thing? The fact that I remember the experiences brings back great memories, the fact that I cannot remember his face means that I, in a way, don’t see him which would make me hurt more.

I sometimes wonder whether I am the only person who has this memory block ? Am I doing it subconciously to block out pain or the pain of grief? Or am I losing out on those wonderful pictures of the mind?

Would love your thoughts…

Post from: Widows Quest

1. Allow yourself to mourn. That may take different forms but if you want to cry then let yourself cry. We are trying to be strong and rebuild our lives and we are allowed to feel the pain of someone dying.
2. I try not to be alone as much as I want to be, I know that it will cause depression so I make sure that either a close friend comes round or I visit my mum.
3. When I am with people I talk about memories, I allow those memories to ‘come alive’ as a way of remembrance.
4. I always wear one of his jumpers – sounds silly but allows me to feel close to him.
5. I visit our special place and just sit and talk to him about our family and friends, about how I am coping, about memories that we had together….
6. I do one thing that he would be proud of….he loved surprising people so I may ring someone I haven’t spoken to for a while or visit an elderly neighbour…something that brings some joy and then say “That ones for you!”
7. I have put on to my iPod a collection of our favourite songs…sometimes this makes me cry but somehow it helps as well.

How about you ? How do you spend your day?

Post from: Widows Quest