The silence can be a constant reminder of being on your own, it can be the reminder that you are now a widow or widower. Going out can often feel so alien and so frightening that it may not be an option to start with…I understand that, as I am a griever who prefers to be away from people.

However, here are a few tips which I have used to fight off the silence

• Play music….I wake to music and go to bed with music.
• Play podcasts ….it gives me the sense of being part of the world, but in a safe environment – at home.
• Put the TV on….now I am not a TV watcher but I often have it on just to replace the silence.
• Make a phone call. You will probably know someone who is lonely themselves, or an older person who would just love to hear your voice.
• Sing! I know this sounds strange but singing – even as badly as I do – makes you feel happier.

Post from: Widows Quest

If I could have just one wish,
I would wish to wake up everyday
to the sound of your breath on my neck,
the warmth of your lips on my cheek,
the touch of your fingers on my skin,
and the feel of your heart beating with mine…
Knowing that I could never find that feeling
with anyone other than you.

Courtney Kuchta

Love is such a magical feeling and one which we should always remember has been a great gift to have had in our lives. We may cry about losing that loved one, but we will never lose the love itself.

Post from: Widows Quest

We can’t stop death as much as we would all want to….I think that is one of the hardest things to come to terms with….but death is bad enough, without us allowing the loss to change us into a worse human being or a human being who doesn’t live for the moment.

Why do I write this today? Well I read a note in a card today from my loved one. He wrote

“We will never know how how much time we will have to enjoy our love, lets make sure that each day, each hour, each second is not wasted”

He may be gone – I can’t change that….but those words live on. I, myself, do not know how much time I have….and so I keep telling myself that as hard as it feels…lets not waste it.…lets be the person we want the world to see rather than the person grief can make us become.

Post from: Widows Quest

Just as the tears welled, the robin appeared and for the rest of the time I was cutting the grass it stayed within a metre or two of me. Maybe, just maybe it is Dad looking after his little girl…I miss Dad so much, I don’t believe I have ever been quite the same since his death for many complex reasons.

The robin brought me such comfort…..have you stories of similar happenings since your grief?

P.S I have just realised it is Fathers Day this weekend…how apt!

Post from: Widows Quest

“Got ya! It was just a joke, a sick joke…..he is here, right here”

I am awake, I am waiting….come on world tell me that all this pain was in vain and that you were merely playing a joke….come on I am waiting……

….ah well back didn’t think so

Post from: Widows Quest

I have tried having a bath before bedtime, cutting out the caffeine, getting into a routine yet nothing seems to be working – what do you do ? I am so tired at the moment and would love to get the advice of the Widows Quest community….

Post from: Widows Quest

I know that I have at various stages thought that I never want to love again, I miss being with the person I love, I hate love, I want to love but don’t think that I ever will again.

I have come to the conclusion that there are 4 stages

1. Letting go of believing that your loved one will somehow come back into your life
2. Learning to love yourself again
3. Allowing yourself to feel again and accepting that love is a natural emotion and that it is OK to love again
4. Being open to love again and finding that new love

I know that I have and still struggle between 2 and 3. However, I know that if I give myself time then I will carry on moving through the stages of grief, what about you?

Post from: Widows Quest

Holidays are important to get you away from the constant reminders, I know often we don’t want to go but it is important to keep living. I am not sure what to do, I think I may take my mum away again this year that way together we can smile, laugh and yet….understand.

Post from: Widows Quest

I often wonder who the angel is, or whether there are a few angels watching over me. It’s funny because I don’t believe in angels and yet here I am writing about them….so what is it?Is it real or is it your subsconscious wanting someone to be there ?  One day I asked my Nana about the angel and she said it is the “angel of love” that has built up over time through all the love that I have shared…..I like that thought 

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Post from: Widows Quest

I so wish that I had received a sign that he is OK. The only emotion that I ever had was returning to the house on the night he died. I was driving and when I pulled into the house, I started to shiver. I felt a fear that was overpowering. It was like a bad ghost was inside the house, I couldn’t go in. I stood there and phoned my best friend, asked her to come round. She arrived within 30 minutes. She held my hand and took me into the house. I asked her to sleep in the same room, I just couldn’t bare to be alone.

The ghostly feeling had gone the next morning. I think that is why I have always been so desperate for a comforting sign, one that feels as though he is looking over me. Maybe one day….for now I will wear his old jumper around the house and let the woolen arms hold me tight….

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Post from: Widows Quest