On last nights online grief meeting we talked about the difficulty in finding who you are….
It is interesting that I have always seen myself as independent, a romantic yes…but never thought that I had lost that independence. Then death happens and suddenly you don’t know who you are….somehow you realise that you had morphed from a person to a couple and your other half is missing.
I often write about defining yourself, in fact last week I talked about Building A New Life From Grief and said
“To build for the future you need to come to terms with who you are, …read more

When I write the Widows Quest blog I write with 5 wishes in mind

That a post will help that person sitting alone, thinking of giving up, that there is hope.
That we build a community of grief support, that means there is someone here for every grieving person. No one needs to be truly alone.
That through my growth I show people that there is a way of finding a new life.
That through my honesty, I show people that for each 2 steps forward we will suffer a step back. That is normal and that it is a long process…but that we …read more

I am a big soccer fan and this week I watched as Frank Lampard  – whose mother had died during the week – step up and score a penalty in the Champions League semi final. He was desperate to play and his mother would have wanted him to – she was his biggest fan.
What struck me was for all the money these players earn, for all the prestige of the event,   after he scored he wept, holding his black armband and pointing to his father.
When we lose a parent, it is like losing part of us. They are our …read more

Imagine what you would do if this was your last day or the last day that you will see someone…..how would you make it special. When you suffer grief you understand the idea of lost moments, regrets etc We never know what will happen, we never know when we will lose someone….I have learned that in the worst way possible, but what it has meant is that I try each day to imagine it is my last way that I will interact and how can I make that interaction special in some way.
Bereavement is awful and in our grief, one …read more

If you know you are losing your partner, then I came across this site which makes customised love songs. I just thought how wonderful – create a song together, and then you can listen to it forever. I can see this being lovely for all of your loved ones…parents, grandparents etc
What a great way to remember them, a memorial to your love. When you are going through the bereavement process, listening to the song may provide a wonderful comfort for your grief.

A friend of a friend lost her husband a couple of years ago, and one regret was that she had delayed having a child thinking that there would be plenty of time. She decided that this regret was gnawing away at her and that she had to do something to stop the hurt.
So this Christmas she sponsored a child in Africa which I thought was a great way to ease the pain. She said “Now I have the pleassure off seeing happiness in the eyes of another via letters, and I know my husband would have loved it as our …read more

I came across a site called Remembered Forever that has a forum and also allows you to build a memorial website for your loved ones. As the names come across the top I saw Diana, Princess of Wales which made me smile as she was someone who I truly admired.
Apparently the site was created after a sudden loss in the family, and the whole family found it an excellent way of not only easing the grief process, but celebrating the life of a family member.  Memorialization, can be massively important to families, and a great way of allowing all members of the family to …read more

Our minds can fill with the thoughts of grief, bereavement, the act of dying….I also want to think about what his life stood for so here are my thoughts, feel free to write in yours
L= Loving and giving.
I= Inspiring others to believe in themselves.
F= Fun and laughter, and enjoying every moment of life.
E= Energy – I have never met anyone who wanted to get more out of life and never tired of leaving a legacy of goodness.

I posted this week about launching a weekly podcast to share stories with everyone and asking for listeners for stories. I was delighted to receive this from Tiffany and wanted to share it with you all…. 
I read of a man, who stood to speak at the funeral for a friend;
he referred to the dates on her tombstone from beginning to end.
He noted that first came the date of her birth and spoke of the second with tears
but he said that what mattered most of all, was the dash between those years.
For that dash represents all the time that she spent alive …read more

One of my friends who lost her husband spent last night wrapping presents with her children for their dad. This weekend they will visit his grave and put the presents there…they will smile, they will remember the “daft” things he did, they will wish him a happy holiday. THe children enjoy the chance to show their love and keep their daddy close….it was hard for my friend at first as the loss and grief was too raw. But now she looks forward to it …..and when it is his birthday as well. She finds it brings her closer to her …read more