In Mum’s kitchen there is a photo of Dad when he was a toddler, I picked it up and couldn’t believe it when it was the same facial expression, same posture in a photo that Dad took of me many years ago. The photo showed me two things

1) How incredible that a camera can look at someone and ensure that for years ahead people can see what the camera saw all these years ago. Photo’s capture a time, photo’s even capture emotion in a subtle way which help bring that person alive.

2) I was also struck by how people live on…..It could have been me on that photo. I thought about how similar Dad and I were, it made sense to me that this desire inside of me to keep his spirit and values alive was not only a desire….but also what I was meant to do, what I was born to do….

Photo’s can cause tears, they cause smiles, they stir emotion. But for me when you have that special photo, then some part of that person remains alive.

Post from: Widows Quest

A day when familys gather and smiles fill the air

Oh, 7 hours and 23 minutes until I wake

And realise once again, YOU my soulmate, are not there

But fear not world I will put on the paint

And sense your warmth from up above

Which will get me through the day, a day of loss

Through the one thing you gave me, they could not take away….

…Your love.

Happy Christmas, love you as much today as when you went away….

Post from: Widows Quest

• We understand how quickly life can be taken away so enjoy the moments you have
• We understand the pain of loss so support and help others as a way of creating a legacy to remember
• Humans are frail and humans are not perfect. Humans do inexplicable things however it is our imperfection that make us human. The world would be safer we if were all good and automatons but would it be better?

Post from: Widows Quest

• I sold my CD’s on Amazon….I had collected many and I copied them onto my PC and then sold them…it brought in $200 per month which helped a lot.
• I cleaned other people’s houses who were working and who wanted someone they can trust. I hate cleaning but needs must.
• I started blogging which brought in a small income….I write Podcast Freq which pays for my electricity and gas.
• I logged on to elance and bid to do some work from home.
• I sold my car.
• I went to a car boot sale and raised enough to pay my mortgage for 2 months.
• I changed to paying for everything with a credit card that earned vouchers for food etc….always remembering to pay it off each month

The biggest thing for me was pride, I had to see this as a challenge rather than being poor. Once I saw it as a challenge I quite enjoyed the thrill of finding ways of increasing income each month. Do other people have any ideas?

Post from: Widows Quest

• An old tatty jumper  – I have no idea why but it comforts me especially on the long nights.
• 2 Photos that I love which are in pride of place near the tv
• A copy of the speech that I had made at the funeral
• My ring

I think we all need some level of comfort, something that reminds us of the love. However, if you hold on to too much you stay living in the past.  At some point you must accept the reality of the loss. I cried when I gave items to charity but then I knew that someone else would benefit and that is what he would want…..

Post from: Widows Quest

“Northern Ireland undertaker Jim Clarke has added a macabre new feature to their funeral services: webcasting. The bereaved now have the (thankfully free) option of enabling live streams from a network of webcams and mics recently installed by S Clarke and Son Funeral Directors in local funeral homes and churches. “Our internet option means [mourners] get to become part of a grieving process they might have missed out on. … The pictures are so clear that people watching can see the faces of everyone in the crowd, and hear everything clearly, so they can spot relatives they might not have seen in years.”

I can see why this may be a good thing for some people, but I am not sure that it something that I would have wanted. What do you think?

Post from: Widows Quest

“In fact AARP research shows that of the estimated 13 million widowed Americans, more than 11 million of them are women. What’s more, 80 to 90 percent of all women have never handled their finances before. That means that the vast majority of women haven’t had experience in handling their own finances yet they will need to manage money on their own at some point in their lives.”

If you are frightened by the thought of dealing with the finances always remember there is support for you. Many support groups help, friends and family, the internet and also professional services such as accountants. The key is to not be afraid of asking for help,  we all have our strengths, we all have our areas that we need help…there is no shame in asking others. I  had to seek help on trusts and I am an accountant. Grief is difficult, painful and if you can ease some of the worries by seeking help then you should….

Post from: Widows Quest

“Can the mind help cure disease? What role do the emotions play in preventing illness?

What is the relationship between the thoughts you think, the feelings you experience, and the overall health and well being of your body? This is a very old question, but modern science has developed some innovative new ways to determine the answers. And, while what they are finding may startle some people, it doesn’t surprise me a bit.

It turns out that improving the quality of your life lowers your chances of developing serious mental and physical illness and also improves the speed and likelihood of your recovery. And if you want to improve the quality of your life, you must start by improving the quality of your thinking.

You see, the quality of everything that happens to you in life – all your accomplishments, all your behaviors and activities, all your relationships, are rooted in and based on what goes on in your mind. our beliefs and expectations determine what you try and don’t try, how hard you try, and whether you give up or ultimately succeed.
I subscribe to a wonderful daily newsletter from Lou Tice which you can subscibe to here. I received this one today and thought I would share it with you. Firstly, because they way we think when we lose someone is so important and also because if your partner is ill, it shows the importance of how you think on your health. Lou says

Post from: Widows Quest

B= Be generous to yourself. Buy a gift for yourself, something that you really want…a gift to say how well you have coped with the loss.

I=Imagine how hard it is for others to know how to say the right thing today. Understand and be open, make it easy for them to love you today. They want you to be happy, allow them to help you be happy today, no matter how hard.

R= Remember that it is ok to enjoy yourself. Grief is hard but laughing and enjoying yourself is a great way of coming through the pain.

T= Talk about the great days you had in the past. It allows you to talk about them but in a positive way.

H= Hold your memories close and enjoy the memories. Smile about the days you were together.

D=Dreams. Use this day to set 3 things that you want to achieve before your next birthday.

A=Arrange to be with family and friends – they are still there and they love you – allow them to!

Y = You are still alive, you still have the gift of life – ensure that each day you value your life it can disappear very quickly.

Post from: Widows Quest

“Remember that time when you had a headache or your foot hurt? It hurt and hurt mainly due to your concentration on the pain. But, when your focus and attention shifted to something else, the more you had your attention away from your pain, the less pain you felt!”

At first I thought….uhm hitting your foot is hardly the same as losing your loved one…and then as I started to think more about it, it is true. Look through my blog posting, it is about filling that void in your life with other things to look forward to, in this context an opportunity to move the focus of your pain onto something that creates enjoyment. As hard as it seems, the post is right. We can concentrate too hard on the pain that we are feeling and not enough on something that can create a diversion, a moment of relief. Maybe we don’t like to think of it like that, but in reality we all need to find a focus…..

Post from: Widows Quest