Welcome to the April 27, 2007 edition of how to solve money worries. Bereavement can be hard enough but if you have money worries as well it can really drag you down, so each Friday I post ideas of how to solve the money worries. Hope they help.

Steve Faber presents Success is at Your Doorstep posted at DebtBlog.

Ted Reimers presents Free Software for Students posted at CampusGrotto, saying, “Here are 10 useful software programs available for free. Among them: free tv, free phone calls and more.”

Wenchypoo presents Dollar Stretcher TNG–The Next Generation (L-O-N-G) posted at
Wisdom From Wenchypoo’s Mental Wastebasket, saying, “Why wait until the spouse dies to become financially savvy and fluent? And why not start your money knowledge quest right at home, with the food budget?”

Wenchypoo presents Skipping EVEN MORE Nickels and Dimes for Bigger Savings (Long and Updated) posted at Wisdom From Wenchypoo’s Mental Wastebasket, saying, “While starting your money knowledge quest and moving past the food budget, why not try branching out from there?”

Wenchypoo presents Saving Energy Begins At Home posted at Mental Wastebasket, saying, “More fodder for your money knowledge quest, starting at home.”

Aniq Rahman presents Listen to the Employees Before You Buy Up The Employer: Better Means Bigger posted at Fiscal Times.

Michael Cook presents Option ARM Resets Are Here posted at Suite101: Mortgages/Loans articles.

Abdulrasool Sumar presents Do It Yourself Debt Reduction posted at 3 Debt Consolidation Community
>, saying, “If you are committed to reducing your debts and are willing to cut down on unnecessary expenses, it is indeed very possible to succeed in what’s called a “Do It Yourself Debt Reduction” plan. Why do you need to go out and pay debt counselors or credit counselors big hefty fees when you can reduce your debts on your own? In this page, we will articulate the steps required for a successful debt reduction plan:”

Matthew Paulson presents
Using Software to Help You Budget posted at Getting Green.

edithyeung presents 7 Habits of Highly Effective Money Managers posted at Edith Yeung.Com: Dream. Think. Act., saying, “Enjoy!”

DShamelle presents Make Money, Not Excuses! posted at Enhance Life.

Steve Faber presents - 3 Things You Should Know About Credit – Before You Apply for Your Next Credit Card posted at DebtBlog.

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Post from: Widows Quest

Post from: Widows Quest

But as I face life alone I realise that what I needed from a partner 20 years ago is not what I need now. I have changed and I am glad that I have….think about how you have changed throughout your life and what strengths you have now. Look at what you need, look at what is important to you before any life changing decisions including dating. Understanding yourself, and your needs for the future is very important in achieving happiness after bereavement.

Post from: Widows Quest

Trust is such a fundamental part of life…don’t mistake grief for a reason not to trust. Trust has brought you a huge amount of happiness in the past and it will in the future. When you trust you will get hurt on occassions but hurt is there to keep you objective….trust remains a foundation of happiness and relationships. The one person you should trust is yourself, you know that you have coped in the past with problems and trust that your inner strength will see you rise again. Bereavement shakes your foundations but it will not destroy your heart and soul….they will come back even stronger once the grief has lessoned.

Post from: Widows Quest

“The only way to have a friend is to be one”

Helping others can really help you get through a personal crisis. It shows you that there are others out there that are hurting, have emotional stress and in helping them you heal yourself. I suppose that is why I write this blog!

When you look at the great support groups like Alcoholic Anonymous the sponsors actually state that it is the support of others that helps them stay away from drink. Joining groups online via Yahoo, or in your community is a great way of being able to share your own feelings of grief and socialising with people who truly understand. Your friendship will help them, their friendship will give emotional support to you – a win-win situation.

Post from: Widows Quest

If you have experienced a loss, the odds are high that you know a man who is experiencing the same loss, perhaps your brother-in-law or your husband’s father. As you cry and mourn the death of your husband, you probably have seen the struggle that a man goes through when he is confronted by death. How can you help a man deal with grief and find the healing he needs?

The Constructiveness of Grief
Men are from Mars we have been told and thus the entire approach to emotions is different. But not that different and it is important to understand that. Grief is a process that takes time and it is a time that can teach us much about ourselves and allow us to become fuller in our humanity. As woman cry and men attempt not to, letting them know that their mourning is a step toward the goal of healing will help a man feel more in control. It is in most men’s nature to need to find a sense of control. Helping them understand that this overwhelming grief is something they need to plough through rather than sidestep, will help them find that sense of control.

Inappropriate Response to Grief
Often men in their journey of grief will turn to something to dull the feelings raging inside of him. Drinking is a common response and when it turns into heavy drinking, the grief process is aborted. Another common reaction is for a man who is middle aged to seek a partner that is considerably younger than him as a way to prove his youth and vitality. Financial irresponsibility is another symptom; if you observe that a retirement account is being cashed in or careless spending is becoming routine, it is helpful to gently talk over how grief can be detoured and the harm that can result from avoiding the pain. Grief must be acknowledged and dealt with for healing to occur.

Talking and Acting
Men by nature do not as easily talk to each other as woman do. Fearing they might appear weak, a man will often not delve into his inner emotional backlog as easily as a woman and the burden of grief becomes heavier. If you know a man who is grieving, have lunch or dinner with him and talk. Let him talk by asking questions and really listening. As you talk remember men are more inclined to want to “do” things rather than “feel” things. If you can get a man talking about his feelings of grief, then it would help him to suggest something concrete he can do. Working to build a foundation to memorialize his loved one is an example of a project that can keep the connection to the loved one. Embarking on a new hobby that will show results is also something that can help funnel the feelings in a positive direction.

Spirituality
A man’s spirituality is as important to him as a woman’s is to her, but he may be less vocal about it. If you have a close enough relationship to a grieving man, talking about faith and the soul is a way to open him up to recognize the strength within himself because of his beliefs. If he is experiencing a “crisis of faith” he needs more than ever someone to talk to about his feelings.

Grief is an equal opportunity burden. It will not discriminate against any of us. Remember the men you know who are hurting and in pain from their loss. Making a difference in someone’s life is perhaps the most important mission we can ever have and even in our grief, we can still reach out and help another.

Post from: Widows Quest

Oh, how desperately we seek to maintain control.

I still buy books on grief but now I have a rule – I don’t buy them very often, maybe two or three a year, and I don’t look for them to be anything more than a map to help guide the journey.  Even with a big library of books that should help, I still noticed that yesterday was the fourth anniversary of my husband’s funeral.  We need to be realistic about what we can expect from a book.

With that in mind, this month I bought a book called, “I Remember You.”  Although this is a grief journal, it is also a book about healing, rebuilding, redefining, and learning to let your past coexist with your present and future.  Laynee Gilbert, the author, says, “In this book, you can note your reflections of life and death, on faith and hope; you can dwell with whatever is on your mind and in your heart.”

Gilbert emphasizes a very important thing for anyone grieving, but for a young widow it is imperative to hear.  People do die – we can’t change that.  But relationships do not die.  Love crosses all boundaries, even those that exist between the veil of life and death.  Taking that as a starting point, the author has created a journal that not only guides the widow, in the here and now, but strengthens the relationship she had, and lost.  That isn’t to say, other relationships will not happen, but each person we love occupies a unique place within our life; this book honors the relationship recently lost and allows a person to move forward.  “Your loved one may be gone but the relationship lives on,” says Gilbert.

The vast majority of the pages in this book are for what I would call “interactive writing.”  There is space for letters, poems, song lyrics, and other writings that would be meaningful for the owner of this book.  The author suggests putting photos in as it seems appropriate.  Gilbert’s writing only covers a very few pages, leaving the rest of the book to the reader to finish writing.

“This journal can be a home for your experiences.  As you tell your story, your words will lead you on your own unique, personal passage through the healing process of grief.  As you give life to these pages, you will also be breathing life into your relationship with the one who has passed on.”

Four years after the death of my husband, I think the right book came into my life.  I think it is an excellent book for the widow who is ready not only to cope with her grief, but to work on redefining her life and remembering her husband in a very special way.

Post from: Widows Quest

The “Grief Journal” was given to me as a gift and it is one of the best things that came across my path of grief.  I had no idea where to even begin; my whole world was full of grief and I couldn’t think about anything but the pain of my loss.  But the “Grief Journal” asked the questions that needed asking.

This particular journal gets in underneath the emotionally loaded situation and talks with you.  It is an unusual quality in a book, and not often effective, but this book is a notable exception.  Somehow the author has found a way to talk to a person in grief and help them sort through the grief.

I hope, whether you are recently widowed, or your loss was years ago, that you will get a copy of this book.  It is an amazing tool for recovery and the first step toward rebuilding your life and reinventing yourself.

Post from: Widows Quest