When I was younger I used to fear death, the fear was based on not being able to imagine what it would be like…now since suffering the grief, I almost think that I fear life now more than death ? When you lose someone, some part of you dies and therefore you face or almost feel what death looks like – the unimaginable becomes suddenly real. The irony is that life becomes almost difficult to imagine and because of that fear can take hold.
After saying that I have suffered from fear much of my life and if I have learned …read more

When you lose your partner, the fear of loneliness can be immense  . However, there is an old saying that there is nothing to fear but fear itself and that is true when you suffer bereavement.

You were alive before you fell in love and capable of living alone. We forget that we are an individual and that we can cope if we allow ourselves to believe in ourselves.
Many of us grew up hoping to fall in love…we did….we have lived a dream.
Loneliness comes when you don’t find ways of occupying your mind. It is about retraining our mind a way …read more

I was travelling back from London yesterday and was joined on the train by an old lady who really touched my heart. I started to speak to her and found out that she was riddled with cancer and living on borrowed time. She was laughing at the thought that she should not have been on this train, the Doctors had only given her until last Christmas.
Her positive outlook was amazing. She said she was not frightened of dying that actually she was ready to go. She was more frightened by some of what is happening in the world than by …read more

When I was 17 I fell ill, and was paralysed and in a wheelchair for about 6 months. During that time people told me to come to terms with not walking again, I never accepted that…and carried on exercising my legs with the use of my arms. Why am I writing about this? Well, your mind is a very powerful tool and at times of grief your mind works overtime. Your mind will be telling you that your life is over, that your world has ended. It hasn’t, that is the hurt…..that is the pain. The focus of your life …read more

It is true, my mum has many friends who have lost their husbands or wives…..she was feeling down with winter now bringing the dark nights, so she decided with her friends to start an exercise group. The reason is that when it is dark she doesn’t feel like going out, then she feels depressed, then she eats for comfort…so they came up with this idea. They force themselves out with people who understand, it takes their mind off the grief, they get fit not fat, and it fills in the time during the darker hours.
 I am so proud of her…..and …read more

I would like to thank Hsien form Play Library for this link. If you have children and you are trying to help them come to terms with bereavement or death then here are a set of books to help….If anyone has any recommendations let us know.

Death left me feeling as though I had been stripped to the bone, my emotions on show to everyone and naked to the world- my protector had gone.
Well, that may have been true but my best mate said to me “You were a great human being before you fell in love, you lived, you coped, you dealt with any problem thrown at you, you are scared because his protection was a comfort and you now need to re find yourself. But it is there, it always has been – you need to relearn not learn from new”
Maybe that is why …read more

If you are like me talking about your feelings, your grief, losing someone you love and coping with the emotional stress really helps. It doesn’t solve anything, but it does allow you to express your fears, and sorrow. It is funny how it helps, even when they cannot offer advice or if they have not experienced a bereavement. So what do you do if you are alone, on the days when the grief just overtakes you….
Well, I still talk! I talk to my cat (photo is of my wonderful listening cats), a mirror, a photo, a cuddly toy…anything. I imagine …read more

I still wish that somebody would find a remedy for the aching heart, when I spoke to my Auntie she gave me a wonderful piece of relationship advice. She said “To help overcome the pain of a lost relationship, you must forgive yourself”
At first, I didn’t understand forgive myself, his death was not something I could control? Then I thought a little harder and realised that I did need to forgive myself. My mind was saying many sentences that started “If only…..” If only I hadn’t complained about moving, if only I had taken a days holiday, if only I …read more

He understood me,  he understood my uniqueness….what made me who I am. Of course I miss the physical hugs and presence but the void for me was the emotional support. Every one of us is unique, every one of us have a different DNA makeup….and somehow he understood me. He knew my thoughts or reaction before I ever did!
Part of coming through the grief is believing that I know myself too – that I can stand on my own 2 feet when faced with problems. And do you know, my reactions have changed…I am a better person for having the hurt. I was …read more