Wake Up Gently

How do you get up in the morning? Becoming a widow, changes your entire routine. At first, there is no routine and you are just struggling to get through one day and then the next day. But as time goes by, you realize you need a routine that works for you and your kids, if they are still young.

How do you wake up? Do you eek out every second you can via the snooze button on your alarm clock, then race around like crazy to get out the door on time? Do you barely make it into the office on time? Does your morning consist of a cup of coffee in one hand and a hair dryer in the other? If so, you need to stop that routine and start a personal ritual for yourself in the morning.

This list will help you plan out a new morning schedule that will leave you feeling relaxed and ready to face the day. When you start a morning that way, the entire day will go better. Everyone around you will benefit as well and as we know, good feelings are contagious. It could benefit more people than you would ever imagine.

Another piece of advice. Grieving is hard work. Go to bed earlier at night. You don’t have to give up your entire evening. Just 30 – 60 minutes earlier will give you the time you need in the morning, so that you can prepare for your day with a few simple changes.

• Get up 30 – 45 minutes earlier than you normally do. Rather, get up that much earlier than you plan to get up, not the time you are actually getting up right now. The snooze alarm is no longer a part of your life.
• If you thought ahead, you made the coffee the night before. Plug it in and turn it on. While you are waiting for it to brew, retreat to an area you have set aside for yourself, just for this purpose. It should be stocked with some books that are meditative or thought-provoking. These books are your choice; some people use this time for meditation, reading a Bible or other spiritual material, or perhaps a book of poetry is more your style. Just have books around you that are gentle, kind and written with wisdom. The book that works for me is, “Prayer Book for Widows.” I find it a great source of comfort, even four years later.



• Have fresh-cut (if possible) flowers in your area everyday. They are not expensive and will add much to your personal space. Plants are also a welcome addition and may be more practical financially or considering availability where you live. I have a large peace lily plant; it was sent by a dear friend (who has since passed away also) for my husband’s funeral.
• A small, but high-quality, sound system is a very good investment for your corner of the world. Have a few CDs that will play relaxing, yet thoughtful, music. Play them quietly in the background to create a mood. I listen to music that was special to Floyd and me – it is comforting and provides a connection from the past to bring into the future.
• Get your coffee, and use a large cup so you don’t have to jump up in five minutes to refill it. Drink it slowly and enjoy it – how long has it been since you have actually had your morning coffee and tasted it?
• Delve into your book of choice and make it your daily goal to find one thought to carry with you throughout the day. It doesn’t have to be an earthshaking or deeply profound thought – just something that means something to you and something you can mull around in your mind during the day.
• When your time is over, get up and stretch gently to awaken the rest of your body. Don’t rush, but take the time to pick up your coffee cup and make your area ready for you during your next visit.

Keeping in mind that it takes three weeks to build a new habit, don’t expect to feel the change overnight. In fact, the first couple of weeks are likely to be really hard. It is an adjustment to your body clock and that takes a bit of time. But eventually you will get there and you will treasure that quiet time each morning. You will find that although your grief, or missing your husband, doesn’t leave you, your coping with it will improve. The stress levels, and probably your blood pressure will drop, and everyone will be much easier to get along with, as well. I believe the changes you see, will enforce your new plan until you can’t imagine life without that time in the morning.