When Family Disappoints You
May 6, 2008 by Anna Farmery
Filed under Practical Tips on Grief
Families all suffer a death at some point, as families are made up of diverse human beings it can be easy for conflict to arise. Grief is emotional, grief stirs different emotions in each person. One thing I have found is that there is no one way that people cope with bereavement – we all react in very different ways.
For instance, when we lost my Dad – my sister was very emotional, crying a lot, unable to cope with my mum’s feelings. My mum was quite numb, quite stoical, even joking through some elements of the death. For me, I was the so called “strong” one, I did not show my emotions and dealt with the practicalities. That caused my sister to think I didn’t care as much, which was not true…it was just my way of coping with the sense of loss.
Fortunately, we all knew that we were different, that we were coping in the way that made sense to us as individuals. However, in some families conflict can arise. My tips for family conflict during the grief process would be
- Patience. Be patient with those around you. Death is emotional however try and see the emotions as part of the grief rather than taking it personally.
- Give space to those who need to grieve.
- Seek reconciliation by understanding how people are different.
- Forgiveness. When we are hurting we can say awful things….forgiveness is a wonderful gift to the human spirit.
- Listening. If people are emotional, then let them vent, listen to their concerns.
Very thoughtful, insightful post. It is true we all grieve differently. My three boys when they lost their father all reacted differently for the next 4 years, and it was their grief and bereavement speaking. elaine
Elaine – thank you. I think the most difficult things are
1) Staying rational at a time of high emotion
2) Not wanting to scream why do I have to think about others …..why isn’t someone thinking about me!
But if you can stay calm…they will be there once they have dealt with their grief
Anna x
One thing that has helped me since we lost Natasha to a horrific murder is I have memorial keepsakes of her. I bought memorial jewelry that I wear in her memory so I can talk about her when someone comments on my jewelry. I have also planted a memorial garden with a water pond. The task at first seemed huge and expensive but I found a lot of affordable memorial statues and memorial jewelry here at Memorial Jewelry and Statues. They have affordable memorial items, urns, plaques, and statues that can be so expensive if purchased from a funeral home. We could barely afford to bury our sweet Natasha so I know how hard it can be.
I think memorials are so important, somehow ensuring how their legacy survives. One way I did it for my Dad was to set up a podcast called The Engaging Brand as a way of carrying on his thoughts of how as you get older part of your role should be of how to develop the younger talent. With social media it is getting easier to keep memories alive. Thanks for pointing us to more resources