When nothing else matters…
March 12, 2009 by Anna Farmery
Filed under Affirmations of Life, Financial Tips
Today is another one of those days, my grieving day! So I thought I would write down what I was feeling as it may help others
I sit, I stare, I try and focus
Yet nothing seems to matter anymore
I look for inspiration in the photos around me
Yet nothing seems to matter anymore.
I dig deep inside and look for your love
Because nothing else matter but that love we shared
Yet there is nothing there, nothing to hold on to
Will it be better tomorrow, next week, next month?
Because I need something, anything to hold on to
I hear your voice telling me to fight, telling me to move on
That nothing matters more than my happiness
Yet to me my happiness was you, my world was you
And in that thought I stay because
Nothing seems to matter anymore
And then in an instance I know
That our love lives on and that it is our love
That really matters, our love that will see me through
Oh Anna,
Why do you always mirror how I feel? I am selfish in my thoughts sometimes thinking that noone else can know how I feel as noone else had a love as deep, sincere and true as mine. But I am wrong, as I read your words I know that you have lost as deeply as I have.
I wish I could deal with it as well as you. It has been 107 days for me. So many people think I need to be happy and getting on with things. I just don’t feel happy and wanting to get on with things.
I am not suicidal and I am not allowing my grief to rule my life. I work every day. I go to church. I go to a support group (the only place that people are not judgmental). I talk on the phone alot as I don’t have too many friends where I live. We moved here to the boonies in a strange state, knowing noone. We didn’t need anyone but “us”. How do you get over the “us”. It is impossible for me to talk about things without using “we”. Is this normal? We have been “we” for so long. How do I just turn that off and say “I”? I miss “we”.
I also hate people asking me how I am doing. I am at the point where I just lie and say I am doing fine. I don’t bare my soul to anyone as I can’t stand the patronizing.
I hate being without James. He wasn’t a saint and neither am I. But he was the kindest and gentlest man I have even met. I know that noone could replace him and I know that I will never try anyways. I know myself. I know I would prefer to be by myself. When I can learn to live with the loneliness I will be okay with the solitude – they aren’t the same thing.
I think I read a Dr. Seuss saying in here – “Don’t cry because it’s over – Smile because it happened”. I love this and whoever shared this – thank you.
Donna
PS Anna, if you have the time or desire, could you possibly email me privately? I don’t know if that is possible in here as this is the first group I have belonged to like this. Thanks, Donna
Donna – I just love that quote and will share with it others later today. Of course you can email privately my email is anna@b5media.com If I can help I will in any way that I can….so glad that you find solace at Widows Quest and help others cope