When words are not enough…
July 26, 2008 by Anna Farmery
Filed under Loneliness, Guilt & Depression
When
- You don’t feel that you can breath anymore
- Your heart aches so much that you are bent double with pain
- You arrive at your first social event …alone
- You shout that their dinner is ready…and there is no reply
- You buy groceries for two…not remembering
- You see the coffin….and it disappears through the tears
- You are left alone for the first time
- You climb into bed…..
No matter the words, I don’t know about you but at that point all I need is for someone to hold me tight…..and stroke my head
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You are so right. There are times when all I want is a hug. I think the lack of a human touch whenever you need it is what I am missing most right now. I only recently lost my husband, June 2nd, and now that everything has become much quieter around here I long for that human connection. Mostly I find it in my grandchildren. I try every day to look to the future and they are the future.
Truth. That lack of human contact is so hard. I find myself hugging people more these days – just to get that “fix”. (There’s nothing more startled looking than a young Marine or Soldier who is kamakazi hugged by a middle-aged stranger outside the USO in the middle of a busy airport LOL)
One thing that I’ve done is to get a massage on a semi-regular basis. It’s good touch.
Coming up four years in a bit less than a month….. My son (only child)was in Iraq last year; hopefully this year will be a BIT easier…….
I have just returned from visiting family in Minnesota for 12 days. And then I read this VERY timely posting. Oh, yes – the hugs that aren’t available anymore. That human contact… And you are fortunate that you have grandchildren in the area, Leslie. But of course that does not substitute for the hug of the one that we REALLY long for. I am so sorry for your loss. I joined this “sorority” on May 15th, so my initiation is a few weeks older than yours. It is so amazing when you are caught unawares by the tears. My sister tells me that it happens to her even now, over 6 years after her widowhood.
Jessica, Leslie, Karla
I am so glad that hugs is just not me. I love the idea of getting a massage….I am going to try that, thank you for the idea. Leslie – it must be so hard at the moment and please feel free to express your sadness here…we all understand and want to be there for you. Writing doesn’t take away the pain but at least in writing the comments it releases some of the pain…or at least that is what I find:)
Thanks, anna, for the kind words. Reading the words of others here and contributing my two cents every once in a while has already been a great help. I definitely will continue to do so.
The hugs…the human contact…I almost feel like I have lost my purpose. He has been gone since July, some days are smoother, but I know that the Holidays are going to overwhelm me…I am trying to be proactive…not working. It does help though to hear that I am not alone.
Sylvia
The holiday season is awful, and I expect many tears but remember to come here….we will be there for each other and we will get each other through…..Key is trying to make sure we do not shut ourselves away, I live away from my family but for instance I visit homes for the elderley etc who love seeing someone. It just helps to put it all in perspective..