When you feel you are dying
November 28, 2009 by Anna Farmery
Filed under Grief
I wrote yesterday about In death life goes on and Roberta left a heart wrenching comment which I wanted to highlight
“I felt that although he was the one who was sick I was the one who was dying”
I know that this sentence will hit straight at the heart of each of you. I know it does to me. As humans we live off the life of others, we live for others, we feed off the love of others. When our loved ones are taken that source of life is taken from us.
It is easy therefore to think that we can not live on, that somehow we have died as well. I know that I have thought that way. However, we must realise that in truth we are our own beings, that we breath the air through our own independence. A part of our heart may have died but we are very much still alive.
The difficult bit is finding a new source of inspiration, a new source of love and friendship to help us fulfil that need that humans have…..and the only way we can do that is
- To allow time for our heart to heal the wounds of loss.
- Then to start to rejoin life as a source of finding that new inspiration
- Acknowledge that this will be hard, it will be against what our minds will want to do. But at this point we must override that urge to isolate and force ourselves back to…well, normality.
- In taking these first few steps, know that it will be painful, lonely and uncomfortable but in time it will become easier
- To know that living again is not about forgetting but about feeding our soul. Guilt can overcome you, but I know that if I could speak to Nana for instance, she would want me to live past her death and to live a life which she could be proud of…
Death may numb part of our heart which has loved intensely but hearts recover in time. Death may part us from our loved ones, but it can never take that love away. Death may challenge your beliefs but that is a good thing…..without that challenge we could take for granted this wonderful world and not enjoy the little things in life which make this world so special.
Hello,
I am new to this way of communicating via a blog. A pleasure to have found you. Thank you all for your loving comments! It has helped me as I am in need of some heartfelt understanding at the moment( a low mood). This will be the 2nd holiday season without my husband of 35 years. It was comforting to read what you said about losing our source of life. I am so there. I have been told to get busy with something that interests me, a new “passion”. As you stated “The difficult bit is finding a new source of inspiration, a new source of love and friendship to help us fulfil that need that humans have…..” Yes, to read that was assuring to me that all will be well in time…just flow. But so painful and lonely still. I become upset with myself for wallowing in self-pity–ha. I know Henry wants me to be happy. Again, thank you all and have a lovely holiday season. Debbie