Why Hurt is Good!
September 9, 2009 by Anna Farmery
Filed under Affirmations of Life
I was speaking to a widow a couple of weeks ago who said “I wish i didn’t hurt so much”
I smiled and said “Did you love him?”
She answered “With all my heart”
I asked “Are you glad you shared your love with him?”
She smiled and said “I could never regret loving him”
So I turned and said “Then remember that hurt is based on love and to not hurt that much, then you wouldn’t have loved as much. Hurt is love seeping from your heart when it is grieving. Don’t fear it, don’t wish it wasn’t there…as it means you were lucky in life because you were lucky in love.”
Today is the anniversary of Don’s death and this week has been one of great pain but also of gratitude for all of the wonderful years I had with him. I’ve always heard that the greater the love, the greater the loss and don’t question that for a moment.
I always think too, with the anniversaries that have taken place since he died, that the anticipation was worse than the actual day. Today I am finally feeling calmer and more at peace. I’m also grateful that our closest friends are having me over for dinner and we will share memories from happier days I’m sure. I try to never forget all of the blessings I have and if I could ever start sleeping normally again I would truly feel powerful and beyond thrilled.
Cindy, I’m sending a hug your way. These milestones can be painful. It sounds like you and Don had dear friends, and they’re still looking out for you. It’s wonderful that you have them to share memories and stories. He’ll always be in your hearts.
Cindy, I’m sending a hug your way. These milestones can be tough. It sounds like you and Don had dear friends, who continue to look out for you. It’s wonderful that you have them to share stories and memories. Don will always be in your hearts.
Cindy, I found that the anticipation of the day was worse than the day itself as well. Life without them is pretty difficult but it sounds like you are doing quite well. It is wonderful that your friends are surrounding you with love and support. It sounds like you accept their help and that is good. I have a very loving family that gives me my strength. Before my husband’s death I was the one who helped everyone else out in the family. Whether it was babysitting or advice or just a helping hand, I was happy to help. I still do these things but now they help me in many ways and I think it makes them feel good that they can help.
I’m sure your friends feel closer to you as well when you can all get together and remember
happier days. So enjoy your time with your friends and remember the good times. I certainly hope you will be able to sleep better soon. That’s still the worst part for me too.
As Anna wrote, we hurt because the love was so strong. We are very lucky to have had that love. I try to live by that motto.
Anna, could you delete one of my comments? I posted twice, since it didn’t look like the first went through.
Thanks!
And if you can’t delete it, then Cindy, I sent 2 hugs your way.
Mary I will when I am back, and have a stronger internet conenction….anyway two hugs is just what we all need
Anna, Thanks for that encouraging note. I will have a whole different attitude about my pain from now on. I am so grateful for having a good marriage until his death in 2007. Gratitude changes attitude.