Widow – don’t let the label change you!
June 13, 2007 by Anna Farmery
Filed under Positive Changes
Society seems to want to give you labels – how often do you get described as a widow and people turn and say “Oh I am so sorry, how are you, I feel sorry for you” Now obviously the concern is great but I think the label can be bad for you – Ilike to think of myself as someone who has been lucky enough to love and be loved, I have lost the person but not the 
love rather than a woman who needs pity – comfort and understanding yes but not pity.
I think we should be careful about giving ourselves labels that can almost change the way you behave. I now describe myself as single and I notice how people are much more positive towards me. Especially as you grow towards wanting to meet other men, the label widow can be off putting, rightly or wrongly. I am proud to have loved, disappointed to have lost but I still have a heart capable of love and wanting to find happiness again.
Being a widow for the last 2.5 years has given me enough time to realize that the love I had will never be repeated. I don’t seek new love. I actively shun new potential partners because I don’t want them to feel that I need them for anything. I do see others whose marriages have failed and who have divorced recover in a way that allows them to pursue goals that do not involve a partner of the opposite gender. Who says you need to partner up? What’s the problem with being single and enjoying it? People call me names, I can see they think I am a loser, but no, I choose to make people leave me alone. I say the things I need to say to let them know that I am not interested in “dating” or pairing up with any old man who happens to be “looking”. I notice it drives men even more crazy than they already are, but if I was to choose one, he would interfere with my long list of hobbies and things to accomplish.
I love being single. Not that I don’t miss my husband, but he’s gone, I can’t change that. I can change how I feel about it and I choose to live a happy life no matter what happens.
Marie I can understand your feelings. I am not sure that I could never love again…even though at the moment that seems the last thing I want to do. I do enjoy my time, however I also miss that ability to share….and love. I suppose it is what feels right for you, humans build their own way to resilience don’t they…I know I was very insular and am now starting to enjoy the company of others…sometimes. I suppose time changes us, the same way as death does